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How To Make Your First Contact To Become Your First Date?

Sep 16, 2008
Getting to know someone through a dating website can be a very delicate process. You can narrow down your matches to someone that you want to meet in person. The human element cannot be conveyed though a computer screen so no matter how compatible or incompatible you may seem on paper, things will change once go on your first date.

So how do you get to the first date? How do you get from point A (contacting someone) to point B (meeting them)? While this process varies for everyone, here are some basic tips for successfully landing a first date.

Tip 1: You will not get to meet everyone that you want to

While you can follow all of these steps and the advice of countless other sources on the internet, you can't be guaranteed a date. Don't be overly confident. You'll get the opportunity to meet lots of people and get to a first date with several of them, if one gets away, don't let it be a blow to your ego.

Tip 2: Establishing contact

Your first e-mail is going to make a powerful impression on your potential match. You want to intrigue them to take a better look at what you've written and who you are. Just like writing you bio, you need to make it concise, well-written, and interesting.

Keep your message light and short. Mention an interest that you might have in common with them or let them know if you find them attractive without emphasizing that too much. Asking them a question about themselves or their hobbies is another good way to get a response.

Tip 3: Phone call/webcam

Some online daters are very shy and/or very cautious and might not be comfortable speaking to you on the phone right away. Make sure that both you and your match are ready for this kind of contact. Almost everyone gets nervous while talking on the phone or via webcam to someone for the first time. Make sure that you stay calm, speak clearly, and if you find yourself stumbling over your words or stuttering you can make a joke about your nerves. The other person will probably be just as anxious, so they'll laugh it off too.

Tip 4: Asking your match out on a date

How do you know that you are ready to meet your match to meet in person? This depends on your comfort level with each other. Try to gauge whether the time is right. This is going to be different for each couple and there is no guarantee for success. If you feel that you are ready and that your date seems comfortable enough with you, then go a head and ask.

If you casually mention that you'd like to see a movie that's coming out this weekend and want to know if your potential match would be available, it makes it easy for your date to agree, or, if they feel that they are not ready, they will feel comfortable enough to let you know that they're not. If you get turned down for one date, don't immediately ask for another. If your future partner feels like they're being pressured that will make them even less likely to go out with you.

Tip 5: What do you do?

Choosing where to go can be troublesome. If you and your match have an interest in common it will be very easy to suggest to participate in this activity together. However, if your interest involves something where this isn't a lot of communication, it might not feel like a date at all. For example, if you both like to go to the movies then you'll be together, but you'll be sitting in a dark room not talking to each other.

This can be a benefit for nervous daters because by the time the credits roll your jitters will be gone and you'll feel more comfortable. Also, you have something to discuss afterwards. However, if you go to the movie then go your separate ways, there has been no communication between you two besides whether or not to get butter on the popcorn.

If you want a chance to get to talk to your date there is always the option of going out to a restaurant. It will give you a chance to get to know each other. Just make sure that you choose a restaurant that serves the kind of food that both you and your partner like.

Tip 6: Who pays for the date?

This has become a big burning question. When the check comes, who picks it up? This again, will have to be something that you both figure out on your own. If both of you are on a tight budget then it can be acceptable for both parties to pay for their own portions of the bill. If you're better off financially then your date, it would be courteous to take care of the whole thing. As a general rule, you should not expect your date to pay for you. If your date offers and you feel comfortable letting them pay, then go ahead, but in any other situation, expect to pay for yourself.
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