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How to control emotions
We all have experienced situations where our emotions controlled us rather than us controlling our emotions. Such as when you lose your temper or unnecessarily get upset. Or when you are overcome with nervousness.
First of all understand that emotions are here to serve us. Emotions tell us what is going on and makes life more interesting and colorful. Emotions are like signals and warning signs. For example when we feel angry it shows that something is not right. When we feel frustrated it means that things can be better. And so on.
However being overly emotional or being excessively influenced by emotions can result in many problems.
Never ever avoid, ignore or pent up your emotions. Whenever you have any emotions, you should acknowledge it's existence and give it the attention it needs. Try to understand the message that the emotion is trying to tell you. And then try your best to respond to that emotion's message in the best way possible.
In other words, don't treat your emotions as the enemy, rather treat it as the messenger. A messenger may bring good or bad news, but it certainly isn't THE good or bad news.
Here are steps to handle and control your emotions;
1. Disassociate from the emotion
Whenever you feel a rush of emotions, immediately disassociate from it. Don't let it overcome you and don't indulge in the emotion. Rather, quickly break the pattern of the emotion and don't make it personal. Step outside yourself and be like an external party observing what is happening.
What is important is to do it immediately. The longer you wait, the more momentum the emotion gains and the harder it is to control it.
To break the pattern of the emotion, one way is to jolt and surprise the brain so much that the intensity of the emotion is drained away. To do so, you must do, think or say something that is totally bizarre and unexpected. So much so that the brain 'forgot' that it was for example, feeling angry a moment ago.
2. Be curious and try to understand the message of the emotion
Once you have disassociated yourself from the emotion, you can now assess the situation objectively. Without any emotional influence, ask yourself questions such as these ;
What emotions was I experiencing?
What happened a moment ago?
What is the meaning of this?
Why did I feel this way?
What did I have to believe in order to feel this way?
For me to feel better, what needs to happen?
Try to stay curious when asking those questions. Don't get personal about it. When asking those questions, use a questioning curious tone to help keep yourself in a curious state.
Going through those questions neutrally helps you find the message behind the emotion and why you are experiencing it. You will be clear on why you feel that way, and what you would want instead. When you're overcome with emotion, you will not be able to identify the root of the problem.
3. Decide what to do about it
Now that you've gotten yourself in a neutral state and assessed the situation objectively, it's time to decide how to respond to the situation and what are the actions that you can take. It may doing something, communicating with someone or just changing your perception and mindset.
As long as you remain disassociated from the emotion, your decision will rarely go wrong. By assessing the situation in a clear mind, you will know that the solutions you came up with are objective.
Use those 3 steps to help in controlling emotions. Like many things, controlling emotions is a matter of habit. It will be harder at first but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Do it consistently and it will become a natural habit to respond to any negative emotion in an empowering manner.
About the Author Want to learn more about self improvement? Ethan Beh is a business consultant who has spent most of the last decade finding and practicing the best personal development techniques, including controlling emotions. |
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