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An Amusing Look at Hats for All Occasions
Every occasion demands a different hat. A hat is used to cover your head or heads. Desperate times call for desperate hats. A hat in the hand is worth two in the bush. We can talk hats all day but enough of these ancient proverbs, today is all about hats. Pull a rabbit out of the hat with this guide to hats for all occasions.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, a hat should always be the first thing you take. They say the dog is man's best friend, but in actual fact it is widely-known to be the hat. The importance of your hat is shown by where you wear it - on your head. Putting unimportant things on your head would be mental, so pop that vital accessory on top as your crowning glory.
There are so many types of hat that you could wear a different one every day for a year and still not wear a trilby. But, the trilby, or trilby hat, is perfect for men to wear when they are looking to make an impression on a prospective girlfriend or to catch the pink panther. The trilby is traditionally made of felt, but gentry will sometimes use wool or maybe tweed for that rich eccentric look.
Baseball caps are the coolest hat to be associated with a particular sport. Snooker balaclavas did not have the versatility of the baseball cap and so their popularity failed to take-off in the same way. Baseball caps can be worn outside of baseball games, often seen on the heads of troubled and aggressive youths on the streets of Banbury.
Back to front, the baseball cap was made popular in the 90s by Limp Bizkit's singer Fred Durst. He wore a red one that had a little logo on it and probably was large or extra large, but could possibly have been medium. Without accurate head measurements, it is hard to tell the size of the baseball cap as it looks tight or loose depending on the wearer. Much like other hats in this way is the baseball cap.
Balaclavas are the hat of choice for urban terrorists and boys with cold ears. Mothers will often knit their sons balaclavas to stop them getting ear infections. Bank robbers will wear a balaclava, or pair of tights, on their head to distort or hide their facial features so as to avoid identification and arrest. Due to their use, balaclavas have been made illegal in 48 US states and cannot be taken on to aeroplanes.
An akubra is an Australian hat that I saw on the internet. It looks like an oversized trilby but should not be worn by people with bigger heads that want to wear trilbys. Just get a bigger rimmed trilby. They are a bit like a fedora but I haven't mentioned them yet so think of them as a bigger trilby.
Bucket hats. Look like Liam Gallagher for just a few hard-earned English pounds. They are like a normal hat that has melted and the rim has flopped down. Young girls wear them on holiday so they don't burn their heads. Guys at music festivals can also wear them to look cool and alternative but generally this hat should be avoided by people over the age of six.
The dunce cap should only be worn by dunces. This massive pointy cone is given to stupid people, although less regularly used due to bullying and emotionally distraught kids. Don't buy a dunce hat as a gift as it could give the wrong impression. Get them a deerstalker instead - they are ace.
Hard hats must be worn on building sites to prevent head damage when bricks fall from above. This is the only suitable hat for this use, a sombrero is big but not firm enough and the fez will do little to minimise brick impact.
There is a hat that looks like a normal cap but has miniature helicopter propellors on the top. This hat was made popular by the geeks in US hit TV show Saved by the Bell, although more recently it has made a comeback in wacky, fun offices across the UK. If you work in a funny office, wear one of these and watch as your hilarious gag will have them all in stitches.
Mortarboards should be worn at graduation and if you are a cartoon teacher. Flat cap is perfect for old men and young ruffians, otherwise avoid. Hats are great and you should take advantage of the various other styles and ranges available to you. Go out, buy a hat and have a very merry christmas in your new hat - whichever hat it may be. Hats.
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