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Parenting 101: How to Be the Best Parents You Can
For the vast majority of us who have children, we are constantly striving to be the best possible parents we can. Given the hectic nature of our lives, this is not always an easy feat to accomplish. When we are under stress, our children may also exhibit signs of stress by becoming irritable, moody, clingy, or withdrawn. They may also show changes in their eating or sleeping behaviors (such as more frequent nightmares or night waking), or they may develop somatic complaints (such as stomachaches or headaches). Fortunately, you can learn ways to become better parents. The following tips may help ease your stress by providing you with techniques to more effectively interact with and be positive role models for your children.
· If your children are fighting over a toy and you have to step in, the toy should become yours for the day. This generally stops them from yelling for a parent to intervene in the future.
· Give children two options - no more, no less. They like having a sense of choice and control, yet too many options can be confusing and overwhelming.
· Use "I" statements (take ownership for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors).
· Empathize with your children.
· Set clear limits - your children will thrive on having structure and rules. Follow through with warnings so that they do not just become idle threats.
· Be a good role model for your child by leading a healthy lifestyle yourself (nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management).
· Become your children's biggest booster and supporter.
· Create family rituals (such as family meals) and make family time a priority.
· Praise your children when they are behaving appropriately.
· If your children do something well, reward their process and effort rather than the outcome.
· When there is a problematic behavior, figure out how to reward a new behavior to replace the problematic behavior, rather than punish it. Gradually the new behavior will become self-rewarding, but punishment only works as long as you administer it.
· Encourage your children to do their best - not to be perfect (it does not exist!).
· Stop lecturing and listen carefully to your children.
· Try not to yell too often.
· Model patience.
· Teach your children good manners ("please" and "thank you") and use them yourself.
· Apologize to your children when you have made a mistake - it teaches compassion and forgiveness.
· Try not to label your children because such descriptions can become self-fulfilling prophecies for them.
· Talk, play, and interact with your children every day.
· Try not to compare your children to each other. It does not accomplish anything and makes one child feel like the "lesser" one in the family.
· Try not to make affection or attention conditional on good performance.
· Offer both verbal and nonverbal (hugs) support.
· Encourage your children to be curious about things and to follow their passions.
· Pick your battles - don't make every small matter into an issue.
· Show affection towards your children.
· Learn when to let go and allow your children to try things on their own.
· Trust your gut.
· Tell your children every day that you love them.
· Most importantly, give yourself a break.
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