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Learn To Have Confidence With Men

Aug 17, 2007
Interacting with the opposite gender can be lots of fun. It can also, from time to time, be a hair-pulling experience.

Bottom line is this: we think differently, process information differently, and whether liberal or not, society holds different expectations for each gender.
So, as much as we'd like to operate in a gender-distinction-free world, we don't.

Given this, how can you develop confidence with men?

First, some prerequisites to confidence in general:

Strong sense of self-Know who you are, and what's important to you Self-acceptance-Love yourself-truly!
Manage your boundaries-What are they? Define them? What can people no longer do to you? What's your response when they violate them? Assertiveness-Say what you mean, and mean what you say always! Don't back-off just because someone else is laying the guilt trip,or intimidating you(there are other articles on this site addressing the above)

Now, let's talk about confidence in the context of friendships/relationships with men.Get clear on what's important to you in your friendships and relationships:

Have a clear understanding of your values, interests, and boundaries. Write down what's important to you, communicate them, and expect everyone around you to respect and honor those things. Get that there are differences, but that the similarities often outweigh them:

Hormones, chromosomes, and life experiences all result in the subtle, and not so subtle differences between men and women.You may want to ask your male friends for their perspective regarding what they think are some differences, and how they interpret them. But remember, that above all we are all human therefore we share many basic needs, interests and emotions!

So, after you get over his manly attraction, shift focus and see him as just another person. Remember that Gumby was single:

Of course, all relationships require some degree of flexibility. But, the key here is this: don't try to bend and shape yourself based on what you think men want. Be yourself, and you will find someone who values you as you are, without the backache. Reflect on what's important to you, and figure out where you are willing/unwilling to be flexible in a relationship with a man.

Inquire to understand:

Really, same rules apply with men as they do with a new female friend, etc. Be curious, inquire, and get to know who this guy is. What are his needs, wants, and interests. How do they match up with yours?

Appreciate a different perspective:

There's always something to be learned from difference. Men sometimes think women are too emotional. Women sometimes think men are too shallow.

There's something to be said for each perspective: sometimes it behooves us to just relax and not react, just as sometimes we can enjoy ourselves more if we appreciate the simple things in life rather than look for the deeper meaning behind every action or event.

Learn how to complement one another:

Yin and Yang.

Night and day.

Men and women-same concept.

The world could not continue to revolve without the different perspectives. We complement one another.
Your job is to find someone who complements you. What are your strengths as a woman? What are your challenges as a woman?

As you meet men, learn about their strengths and challenges and how you might complement one another.

Now get out there and mingle! And, create or find a few affirmations/mottos to keep you inspired and confident. Some of my favorites include:

I am worthy! There's someone for everyone! We all have a soulmate, but. We don't just have one soulmate!
About the Author
Sean McPheat is the CEO of The Life Coaching Studio
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