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Getting Though The Painful Loss Of A Spouse
Losing a loved on is painful, and no more so than when it is a spouse. No one is ever ready to completely say goodbye to their spouse, and that is normal and perfectly healthy. It is important to understand that while you will always miss them, it does get better. Regardless, it is still important to grieve.
The first step is to acknowledge the loss. After we lose a spouse, we tend to focus on caring for other family members while they grieve, arranging memorial services and funerals, and trying to maintain a semblance of normality. Until you acknowledge the loss on an emotional level, you will be unable to begin the healing process. Allow yourself to experience your grief, your guilt, or your anger but do not allow it to consume you. Continue reaching out to friends and family, they are there for you.
Do not rush to purge your belongings of reminders of your spouse, even though well intentioned loved ones will urge you to do so. Too many changes at once can shock the system. Also in your grief you may get rid of something that later, when you have adjusted, you will miss. Your spouses shoes by the front door are not hurting anyone. In fact it can be comforting to have reminders like that nearby.
As you begin to return to and redefine your daily routines, much of the pain may be behind you. There will still be bad times, but there will begin to be more good times. When anniversary dates roll around, such as the holidays or birthdays, be prepared to revisit your grief. Over time, these dates will become easier to handle but they will always be a reminder of your spouse. Start new traditions on these dates, though do not take on more than you are ready to deal with. New traditions will help you form new happy memories and will take some of the sting from the holidays.
When coping with the death of a spouse, there is no proper length to grieve. It takes different lengths of times for everyone. While participating in outside interests or volunteering can help you rebuild your life, be careful not to do too much too soon. Start small, and build up as you find yourself beginning to enjoy the activities you once loved again.
Eventually, sadness will turn to happy and bittersweet memories. You will be able to flip through photo albums or come across possessions that once belonged to your spouse without being overcome by waves of mourning. Our loved ones will always be alive in our hearts.
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