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How To Be More Resilient: Challenge Negative Thinking
As you set out to achieve a goal or objective you inevitably do so from a set of assumptions. You make assumptions about whether it will be difficult to achieve, about how competent you are to do so and whether you have the resources you will need. You may also make assumptions about what other people will think, whether you will have their support or about how important the goal is anyway.
Some assumptions are enabling; they help you on your way. Others are limiting: they hold you back.
Some assumptions are objective and are firmly based on fact. They can be proved or disproved and as the facts available to us change, we will usually change our assumptions. Other assumptions are subjective and are our own view of life, of ourselves and our capabilities. These assumptions are formed by our life experiences from day one, although we are often unaware of them or of the circumstances that lead to their creation.
Assumptions are often couched in common day to day phrases. For example, the phrase: Boys do not cry, carries assumptions about gender. Power corrupts, carries a negative assumption about the effect of power. The phrase: What does not kill you makes you stronger, carries a more positive assumption about character building.
You can hold positive or negative assumptions. The choice is yours. The assumptions you hold do not change reality, but they do affect how you think, feel and behave.
Resilient people choose to hold positive assumptions, not because it is a nice thing to do, but because positive assumptions help them think and behave more positively. They think more clearly, and more creatively. They behave with more energy and perseverance.
For example, if you go into a meeting assuming that your ideas are important and you have a right to be heard, you will speak up, and you will do so with confidence. As a result, you will make a good impression and perhaps influence events in a positive way.
If you assume that you are stupid or that people do not respect you, you will hold back on your ideas or present them half-heartedly, inviting disagreement. You negative assumption will cause you to make a poor impression.
There are three ways you can challenge negative assumptions and start turning them into positives.
You can first identify your assumptions by tuning in to how you talk. When you hear yourself using phrases such as: I have to, I never, I cannot do it, You cannot, you are making assumptions that could be negative and limiting.
Then when you recognise the assumptions you are making, you can start to challenge the negative ones using questions.
Is it true?
Are you absolutely sure?
Where did you get it from?
What would happen if you let go of it?
As you bring your assumptions out into the open and become aware of the basis for them, it is often fairly easy to let them go.
The third thing you can do to remove a negative assumption is to ask a question in which you replace the negative with a positive. For example, if your negative assumption is that your ideas are not important and will not be respected by your colleagues, the question to ask is: If I knew that my ideas ARE important and WOULD be respected, how would I behave?
Another example of a negative assumption is that nothing you do will make a difference. So the question you ask yourself is: If I knew that my actions WOULD make a difference, how would I behave?
It sounds simple and it is! The question allows you to think beyond the limitation imposed in the assumption and enables you to replace the negative with a positive.
You can develop resilience by replacing negative assumptions with positive. That changes your behaviour from negative to positive and you will be more likely to achieve your goals and objectives. That is turn helps you develop even more positive assumptions.
About the Author Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Download free e-books and get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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