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How to Build up Resilience: Choose Your Attitude
If I started this article by saying that what you think, creates the world around you, you would probably find the statement more than a bit far fetched! Watch how it works.
Imagine that you are a shy retiring person. You feel uncomfortable at big social events and you get tongue tied when you have to talk to strangers. You usually find an excuse to avoid social occasions.
You have just been invited to a celebration party for one of your best friends. You know there will be lots of people there and you will know only a few of them. This time you cannot make an excuse. You have to go.
Think what you would be feeling as the date of the party approaches. You probably have a sense of dread. On the night, you have to drag your feet to the event. As you walk into the party you are wondering who you will find to talk to and how long you will have to stay before you can slip away.
How do you behave once the party starts? My guess is that you will hide in a corner, keeping to yourself, perhaps with an unhappy expression on your face, hoping no-one will speak to you.
If that is how you behave, no-one WILL speak to you! You will have exactly the miserable time that you anticipated and as you make your lonely way home, you will be saying to yourself, I KNEW I would hate this evening!
What happened? You started out with a negative attitude toward the evening. Your attitude caused you to behave in a way that virtually guaranteed you would not connect with people, and you had a predictably negative experience.
Think how different the evening could have been if you had chosen a different, more positive attitude. You can do this quite deliberately by playing a What If game with yourself. What If, you say to yourself, I behaved as if I enjoyed going out to meet new people? If I enjoyed doing that, how would I behave?
A person who enjoys meeting others would put on a smile, would choose someone who seems approachable, and with a friendly smile and an opening question would start up a conversation. Imagine what would happen if you behaved like that.
More than likely, the other person would be grateful for your friendliness and would respond with their own smile and a response to your question.
You can imagine that an evening which started like this could be a most enjoyable experience, and as you eventually head for home you could be saying to yourself, That was fun. Maybe I can handle social events after all!
You can choose your attitude in any situation. When you choose a positive attitude you send out positive signals to others, and they respond in kind. By thinking more positively, you create a more positive world around you.
Resilient people do it all the time. They understand that by choosing a positive attitude even when things are difficult, they behave positively and they convey a positive energy . As others respond to the positivity, everyone is better able to cope with the challenges. Creative and innovative thinking come more easily. Problems are analysed more clearly and solutions are found.
Choosing a positive attitude does not change the magnitude of the challenges you face, but it does help you keep your bounce!
About the Author Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Download free e-books and get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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