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How To Build Up Resilience: Focus On What Works
When the going gets tough and you have lost your bounce, it is easy to think only of what is difficult and what is going wrong. Resilient people have learned the discipline of focusing on positive thoughts that build up their self esteem and their energy.
This positive thinking does not mean that you are being unrealistic or denying the reality of the world around you. It does make you better able to cope with it.
Using the techniques that follow will help you bring in positive information from your environment to build up your energy and motivation.
1. Take time out to feel good
At the end of each day take time out to think through what went well. What did you say or do? Did you have any really creative ideas? Think through the detail of what you did and how you felt, and revel in it! Think about what you can learn from this day that you can take as a positive input into tomorrow.
As you fall asleep, remind yourself one more time that you did good today, so you end your day on a positive note. It will help you wake up in a more positive state to tackle tomorrow.
2. Give yourself positive feedback
Everyone needs constant answers to the question, How am I doing. Unfortunately, few of us receive much feedback at all, and when we do it tends to be more about what we have done wrong, than it is about what we have done well.
Learn to give yourself positive feedback. Think of what you would say to someone else who had done what you have done and then say the words to yourself. You deserve it! Praise nourishes and rewards. It builds you up, makes you stronger, and sends you off better able to tackle the next challenge.
3.Console yourself when it goes wrong
Things will not always go as you hope. No matter how hard you try, sometimes it just will not work out! Learn to give yourself time to deal with the upset and the disappointment before expecting that you will be back up and running. Most of us are far better at being self critical than we are at being kindly to ourselves.
When you learn to slow your pace, take a little time out and do something that makes you feel good again, you will soon be up and bouncing back.
4. Avoid dwelling on the bad past
Are you a person who dwells on the things that have not gone well in the past? Many of us do that. Rather think about what has gone well in the past, to counteract the negative generalisations you might be making. For example if you are telling yourself: I never get it right, or:I am hopeless at persuading people, then think of times when you DID get it right, or you DID persuade someone.
When you think about things that have made you feel good, you can recapture that good feeling and take it into the future, ready for the next challenge that comes along.
5. Use positive affirmations
What happens when you try not to think about something? It becomes the only thing you think of! It is not surprising that when you try to diet, all you think about is food. If you want to drive out one thought from your head, you have to replace it with a different one.
Try replacing your negative thoughts with positive thoughts in the form of affirmations. An affirmation is a short pithy statement, stated in the present tense and in the positive. For example it could be: I can do this, or it could be specific to a particular situation. You would NOT say: I am not scared, because that would have you thinking of being scared. Instead, you would say: I am confident.
When you say an affirmation to yourself, be passionate about it and visualize yourself behaving as the person you are describing. Say your affirmations often and feel them work.
Use these five techniques on a regular basis and watch as your energy and resilience start to improve.
About the Author Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Download free e-books and get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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