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How To Build Up Resilience: Change Your State
You had a late night and slept in. On the way to work you were involved in a minor traffic accident. As you walk into the office your colleague tells you that the boss is looking for the report you were supposed to finish yesterday. Your most important client calls about an incomplete delivery and you are a bit short with her on the phone.
You are in a state!
When we use the expression we usually refer to a negative state, like the one above. States can be positive too, like the state of exhilaration you feel when you win the game, or relaxation when you listen to your favourite music.
A state involves feelings that may be positive, for example excited and playful; or negative such as pressurized and anxious. A state also involves your physical self, for example the speed with which you move, your tone of voice, how quickly you talk, and signs of visible agitation or tension.
Positive states are good for you. Your awareness and motivation increase, you feel more energised, you can concentrate better and keep going longer. Negative states drain your energy. You feel tired and depressed. You may experience dread and anxiety. You have a hollow in the pit of your stomach and you have difficulty concentrating on anything for long.
When times are tough and you need to maintain your energy and resilience it is useful if you know how to manage your own states so that you do not find yourself stuck in negativity without a way out. For example a salesperson who has a difficult and unsuccessful sales call needs to know how to break the state of negativity before he picks up the phone again.
Changing a state involves first recognizing that you are in one. Start to be aware of when you are in a state. What starts it off? When does it happen? Who is involved? What changes it? Simply recognizing that you are in a state may itself be enough to change it. If not, here are five more things you can do.
1. Make a physical change
If you are sitting; stand. If you are walking; stop. If you are inside; go outside. If you feel tense; try some stretches. Physical exercise is well known to make a positive difference to how we feel. Become aware of the physical change that most helps you back to a positive state.
2. Step out
Imagine that you are observing yourself. What does the situation look like from a safe distance? Thinking of yourself as an observer gives you some mental distance and helps you see things from a different perspective. It helps you be more objective and better able to see things both from your own viewpoint and from that of others.
3. Put it in context
Put your current state and the events that caused it in a broader perspective, and you will find it is less likely that you will over-react. A disagreement with a good friend can pale into insignificance when you think about it in the context of twenty years of friendship!
4. Think ahead
Remind yourself that in a day, or a week or a year, you will not be in the state that you are in now. In a year, when you look back on current events you will see that the problem has been solved one way or another. You may even have forgotten all about it!
5. Create a resourceful state
Everyone has things in their lives that make them feel good. It might be a simple as getting order into your life by writing a list, or making a cup of coffee before you start a difficult task. You might have personal photos in your work space or on your computer desk top. Anything that helps you feel better and stronger, even though it does not solve the problem, helps you become more resourceful in dealing with it.
When you learn to recognise that you are in a negative state, and you know what works best in moving you out of it, you can manage your energy and your resourcefulness more effectively. The downs will not be so deep and will not last as long. You will bounce back better!
About the Author Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Download free e-books and get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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