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Men's Dating Advice: Five Crucial Mistakes Men Make When Planning Dates Online & How to Avoid Them

Aug 17, 2007
Meeting, flirting with, keeping the conversation going, and building attraction with datable females in person is tough enough, but the game is completely changed when meeting women online for dates and romance.

There are at least five crucial, yet very common, mistakes men make when trying to work her up for the first date. Don't make these mistakes, and you will be have more success than 95% of men playing the dating game online.

1. Not Getting Enough Pictures -
A few years ago, it was more common for some poor sucker to set up an expensive dinner date based on a solitary washed out Glamour Shot from 1993, or worse, no picture at all. Many of the dating sites, and "friend" and "networking" sites (which are actually just dating sites without the stigma) have wised up and allowed users to submit up to a dozen or more photos of themselves.

Don't be fooled by a pretty face, like Kip says, you really need to get a "full body shot" before meeting. I would advise getting as many as you can get from several angles. This saves her time and you time. If she protests or calls you superficial, just say that typically you are only interested in certain body types and you don't want to waste her time. If she doesn't give up the goods, politely end the communiation exchange.

2. Waiting Too Long to Get Her Number -
You only have about a three to four email exchange threshold before it is time to ask for the digits. The purpose is to actually meet in real life and decide whether it's going to work, it might work, or it won't work, not play email tag for weeks on end. Who needs another penpal? Be bold and ask for the number after you have established a bit of a rapport. Don't do it too quickly, as in the first email, but don't ask after three or four volumes of Shakespearen sonnets.

3. Telling Her Your Chat Screenname -
Even if she gives you her screenname for Yahoo! IM or AOL Instant Messenger, don't exchange the favor. This, right off the bat makes you too accessible. This is a typical mistake women new to online dating make. She can't think of anything to say, so she figures the next logical step is to give up the screenname or email. This is pointless if you met her on a dating site. The beauty of the dating site is she goes away if it doesn't work.

Experienced online daters, men and women, have gotten burned by this, and don't do it anymore. Imagine, every time you logon her screenname (might as well be her standing over your shoulder) will forever be with you, watching, waiting, on your little display screen. It will feel like she is in the same room. You need your space, and so does she.

If you feel like you have to do this, because she is the "very cautious" type and wants to "get to know you better" first, before handing over the digits, create a new IM account specifically for women you meet online. You should be talking to her on the phone, and planning dates not wasting time behind the computer.

If you do give it to her, make sure you have created that new or other account and you should only do this after three or four dates have passed.

4. Not Asking "Deal Breaker" Questions Before Meeting -
Once I went on a date that I had met online that I had thought I covered all the steps above. I had seen enough pictures, I asked for the number relatively quickly, and I didn't blow it with the unnecessary online chat. Take it from me, just because her profile says "Single/Never been married" and "Kids: Someday" doesn't mean it's true.

Her justification was "He doesn't live with me and I never see him." What a great mother.

If something seems fishy, it probably is, ask the deal breaker questions on the first call.

5. Putting Her on your "Top 8" on Myspace -
If you met the girl on myspace, which is quite common these days, don't put her on your Top 8 thinking that that will get you booty faster.

Wait until she is your girlfriend of at least a month before turning your back on your best friend from junior high which you only talk to from time to time by booting him down with the no name bands and almost believable webcam girl profiles.

If she complains, take the whining as a challenge or test, because it is. Tell her No, not until she proves herself. She will respect you in the long run for it.
About the Author
Neil Lemons represents Hot Bar Buddy, a Dallas-based wingwoman & female promotional models agency. He writes a weekly dating tips article on his site http://www.hotbarbuddy.com/.
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