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How To Be More Resilient: Reframe So You See Things Differently
You could say; I failed: or you could say; I did not pass this time. You could say; Losing my job is the worst thing that could happen to me: or you could say; Losing my job gives me the push I need to start my own business. You can refer to an event as a problem or as an opportunity. You can look at not succeeding as failure or as a lesson you have learned.
The way you frame an event determines the meaning you give to it. When you change the frame you change the meaning. None of the interpretations above is more right than any other, but each one causes you to see the event in a different way.
When you see things differently, you react to them differently. You make different evaluations, you reach different conclusions, you feel differently and you act in different ways.
If you lose your job and you frame it as the worst event that could have happened to you, how are you likely to react to this event? Your level of self confidence will drop. You will feel depressed and without energy. You will find it difficult to take steps to find another job and in any interviews you are granted, you will not make a very positive impression.
The negative frame that you put around your job loss has made it less likely that you will be able to find other satisfying employment.
On the other hand, if you frame your job loss as the motivation you needed to go out on your own, you will feel motivated, enthusiastic and energised. You will be persuasive and confident when you talk to possible partners and investors. Your positive energy will help you make a success of your business.
You can train yourself to explore different ways of looking at events. When you are faced with something that you or others see as threatening or difficult, ask yourself if there might be another way of looking at it; a way that could bring more positive energy to how you respond to the situation.
For example, if you decided to improve your education, you might be discouraged by your belief that you are no good at writing exams. If you reframe this belief into: I need to learn about writing exams as part of my studying, you are already on your way to a more successful outcome.
You can use reframing to help you cope with failure.
If you respond to failure by blaming yourself, feeling worthless and becoming depressed, you can end up angry, bitter and cynical. These attitudes pervade your whole life from then on. Alternatively, you can learn to step back from the situation and ask: What can I learn from this. The idea of looking at failure as an opportunity to learn, is itself a reframing.
It helps you look at your failures differently. You can be curious; look into the details of what happened and why; what you did and how you could have behaved differently. When you understand fully what happened, you are in a better position to take control over your life, and to manage things better in the future.
When you learn to reframe your attitude toward an event into a positive view of the situation, you are able to react positively and energetically to difficulties. Resilient people use reframing to hold onto positive attitudes and stay motivated. They use it to keep their bounce even through the toughest times.
About the Author Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Go to http://www.straight-talk.co.za for free downloads and Straight Talk Tips.
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