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Rapper Diddy's Fear of Failure in Marriage

Aug 17, 2007
He's still not ready for marriage.

Sean "Diddy" Combs, mega mogul of music and business, and his longtime girlfriend Lisa Porter became parents for the second (or actually third) time last fall to twins Jessie James and D'Lila.

Diddy says he loves being a father and is "having the time of his life."

They have another child, 10 year old Christian.

But even though Diddy claims he would "love to get married," he says he is not ready. Reason? He doesn't want to "get married and fail."

Obviously he's caught up in the same trap that most of us fall into, that there is one way and one way only to be "married."

So I decided to "call him up" and have a conversation with him.

My (imaginary) conversation with Diddy

Dr. Max:
"Mr. Combs, please do not worry about failure, that comes out of a vision of marriage that is not big enough for who you really are."

"But I am afraid we might get divorced like so many other celebrity couples and others, and that would feel like such a failure!"

Dr. Max:
"You haven't let a fear of failure stop you in any other area of life. You've been bold and strong and pioneering, even in the face of some serious criticism. What's this sudden fear about? Be bold like you have been in so many other areas of life."

"Actually, that's right, I didn't let it stop me that others tried to put me down at all! But this seems different."

Dr. Max:
"How does it seem different?"

"Well, this seems even more serious and all-or-nothing than other things I've done..."

Dr. Max
"What if I told you that with your good heart, creativity, serious intention and love, it is not possible for you to fail at marriage?"

"I would say you are losing it, Dr. Max!"

Dr. Max
"Well, maybe, but not in this case. Look, you and Ms. Porter weathered a relationship storm years ago. You are back again, stronger and with a deeper love. Obviously you have some serious inner resources and both are strong! I believe that if you can bring an open heart and open mind you will be able to be married and really be happy, and never fail!"

"I wish I could believe you. I'd really love to get married."

Dr. Max:
"I'm not saying you should or ought to get married, that's up to you. But you have the seeds of a Great Marriage going here. Time's ticking. You say you would love to get married. Maybe it's time to trust the genuine personal strength of you and Ms. Porter, your passionate commitment to whatever you take on, your intention and your heart to guide you."

"Well, I don't think it would resemble most of the marriages out there, but maybe that's a good thing, since apparently most people break up."

Dr. Max:
"I don't think you two would. It's just a guess, of course. But I think if you get the concept that a Great Marriage can be created on YOUR terms, in YOUR way, and that there is no single, simple formula for Great Marriage."

"Just like there is no single formula for great music, I see what you are saying."

Dr. Max:
"Exactly! It is exactly like music. There are certain basic things, like scales in music, that need to be in place and observed, but beyond that you create your own vision of marriage, and do it in your own way."

"That is a much different way of seeing marriage than I've ever heard of before. I always have seen it as this perfect ideal thing that everyone tries to live up to and then eventually fails and it all falls apart."

Dr. Max:
"Yes, that's the problem in most marriage, and why so many fail! They don't recognize that there is no basic rulebook to having a Great, totally wonderful Marriage. Actually in each marriage people make up their own rules, although they don't know they are doing that, and don't discuss it. The do it in their heads and don't talk about it."

"I think a lot of us have expectations we don't express and when they don't come true, we get disappointed."

Dr. Max:
"That's a good way to put it. You see that if you are evolving the rules and expectations, you and Ms. Porter just need to keep talking about it and you'll be surprised how well it's going to work our for you if you do get married. Well, I know you have to catch a plane now, so I'll talk with you later. Please give me a call anytime and I'll be happy to talk with you about this, OK?"

"Sure, sounds great, talk with you later, Dr. Max."
About the Author
"The Renegade Marriage Counselor," gives you the straight stuff on marriage, relationships and personal freedom at http://www.ImproviseLife.com and is the originator of the famous Marriage Blueprint(TM), a free confidential Great Relationship Evaluation, available at http://www.MarriageBlueprint.com
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