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No Thanks: Asexuality as a Sexual Orientation
When you think of asexuality, you probably think of insects or other creatures who don't need to have sex to reproduce and the idea probably makes a lot of sense. Because who would want to see stick insects reproduce, anyway? While it doesn't happen all that often in humans, asexuality is also a part of our own species (though of course the human version can't lead to reproduction without the help of a lab technician).
Chances are, you know very few people (or none) who would define themselves as asexual. Being a sexual person is a huge part of our society. Wanting sex, initiating sex, feeling sexual, inspiring sexual feelings... a lot of what a person does during the course of their lives (or, for a 17-year-old male, the course of their average day) is somehow about sex. Heck, sex is a big part of why you love internet dating sites-- and why you're reading this article right now. But for about one to two percent of the human population, sex just isn't very interesting.
Asexuality in Humans
When it comes to assigning sexual orientation, the main three are pretty clear-cut: straight, gay, and bi-sexual (while transgender may be a little more complicated, how one feels about a particular gender is generally pretty obvious). But that's just not so with asexuality. In fact, there isn't really a concrete definition for this sort of preference in humans at all. It covers a wide range of feelings and behaviors. People who consider themselves to be part of the asexual community can feel a complete lack of sexual desire (including the desire to masturbate). Or they can feel no desire for sex with another person. Or they can even identify as asexual while also identifying as bi-sexual, gay, or straight.
In essence, asexuals just aren't interested in having sex. Their reasons and physical responses may vary greatly from person to person, and all asexuals will experience attraction or arousal (or the lack thereof) differently. Despite their differences, however, the asexual community insists that asexuality is no more a choice than any other sexual orientation. Asexuality isn't the same as celibacy-- it's not something the mind chooses, but something the body wants. Because of this, the increasingly outspoken asexual community has been fighting to have asexuality designated as an official sexual orientation.
Asexual Relationships
When you come to an internet dating site, you're generally looking for sex or for a relationship-- and generally you're looking for both. So it's easy to assume that somebody who experiences no urges to have sex with a partner would experience no urge to, well... have a partner. But that's not true. In fact, though not all asexuals are interested in forming "romantic" attachments, many asexuals have perfectly fulfilling relationships.
But how does an asexual relationship work? Well, just like any other relationship. You spend time together. You talk about your lives and share your goals. You fight about the small stuff and dream about the big stuff. You host parties and go to the movies and toss popcorn in each other's hair. Maybe you even kiss and cuddle up together in bed.
You just don't have sex. Aside from that little difference, asexual relationships can be incredibly normal.
For those of us with strong sexual feelings, it can be easy to judge somebody with no sexual desire as odd. But sexuality is very personal-- and what goes on in your body does not necessarily happen in others'. As long as your and your partner's levels of sexual desire match up fairly well, why let strange ideas about how sex "should be" get in the way?
Relationships are what they are-- with or without a roll in the hay.
About the Author This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where we always offer free internet dating. Datepad has a massive directory of informative free dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on our dating blog. |
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