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When Layoffs Kill Friendships
When times get tough, companies start sending their employees packing. When it comes to saving money and keeping the company afloat, they don't think twice about being ruthless with their workers. Somebody has to go... and that's just what happens.
Being laid off or having a friend laid off is painful. And maintaining a friendship when one of you has gone but the other gets to stay can be difficult. Which is exactly the way companies like it to be. The people in charge understand that lay offs are difficult, too, for the employees that stay behind. And most don't like the idea of current employees staying in contact with ex-employees.
In fact, some companies even make this preference a policy. More and more often, you hear about ex-employees who are laid off from their company having trouble keeping in contact with any work friends who managed to keep their jobs. Phone calls aren't returned, emails are avoided... and they stop seeing each other in their off time. Why? Because company policy says that interacting with employees who have been laid off is against the rules. It causes unrest. It causes problems. And so it's not encouraged.
Difficulties in Maintaining Friendships
Even if your company (or former company) doesn't prohibit current employees from socializing with former ones, it can still be difficult to maintain a friendship after one of you has been laid off.
Guilt. One of the biggest things to get in the way of past-present employee friendships is that almighty survivor's guilt. One of you had to go. One of you got to stay behind. And seeing the person who was let go --especially if they didn't take the lay-off well-- is painful. Guilt-ridden employees who stay behind often would rather avoid those feelings than keep their friendships alive. And so they let their silly feelings of unearned guilt --why them and not me?-- get in the way of their friendships.
Embarrassment. When somebody is laid off from their company and several of their friends stay behind, the feeling of humiliation that generally accompanies their lay-off (which is essentially a rejection, after all) can be intense. Losing your job is embarrassing and can really affect your self esteem (who wants to put "unemployed" on their internet dating profile, after all?). It also makes you the odd man out, especially when you know that your old work friends are still working together and seeing each other on a daily basis. Because of this, people who are no longer employed are just as likely to avoid their old work friends as the guilt-ridden people who are still with their company.
Tactlessness. When somebody you know is laid off, it can be hard to know what are the right things to say. Other people, however, --even good friends-- don't spend a lot of time thinking about what shouldn't be said. Though they stayed at their company and their friend was laid off, they're too thoughtless to realize that complaining about the boss or the long hours is no longer acceptable. Even when the still-employed friend isn't tactless, the lay-off often becomes that "elephant in the room" that makes conversation stilted and awkward.
How to Stay Friends
Fortunately, there are ways to keep close to your ex- work friends... even if your company tells you that you shouldn't. Yes, some things between you will have to change, but that doesn't mean your friendship will have to disappear entirely. Instead, it'll simply have to change its personality. Rather than hanging out together every Friday after work for happy hour (and commiserating about the boss), meet on the weekend to do new things in new places. And when either of you (whether laid off or still employed) wants to complain and look for comfort about your situation, try to find it elsewhere. You don't have to avoid talking about your respective situations entirely, but making it the main topic of conversation is bound to make conversation uncomfortable.
About the Author This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where we always offer free internet dating. Datepad has a massive directory of informative free dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on our dating blog.
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