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Create New Friends Through Asking The Right Questions!

Aug 17, 2007
In any conversation, it's great to both get to know someone else more, as well as telling them all about you. It's a 50:50 interaction which shares the load of being a great listener, as well as sharing all about you as well.

After all, when you are the one building productive and useful relationships, it's pretty important to get your own message across as well, isn't it?

Well, the answer to this is yes, but in a very different way than you might expect. You see, the way to build relationships is to get the ratio from 50:50 more like 80:20. And that's not the way round you might think!

Look, you might want to get your message across, because you have a vested interest in it, but, you know, what creates an interest in you most of all, is when you are very interested in other people.

And then you will make people much more interested in YOU, what you have to offer and indeed in what you want, if you are the one showing the biggest interest in someone else.

Crazy idea? Maybe, and it really does work. Think about the times when you have felt in tune with someone else. More often than not it is because they were taking this very route. The one where you felt heard and listened to, which made you feel good.

Now, we need a very specific tactic here to get the best from this - and as the title of this piece suggests, you have to know the way to ask the right questions, at the right time, when you want to build the very best relationship with someone.

The questions you must ask are those which get your conversational partner talking. So, you need to ask them questions that require a full and comprehensive answer.

Not just any answer, like a grunted 'yes' or 'no'. You need to get their thinking and talking juices flowing, so you have to ask questions that do this.

The clue is that these questions and there are 6 of them, will always elicit information and that's what makes your partner feel that you want to know about them, which makes them want to know you better!

By starting your questions with the occasional, 'Who', 'What', 'Where', 'Why', 'When', How, mixed with the occasional one that does get a yes and a no, or your questions get too much like an interrogation, you will get your partner talking.

Although not one of these, another of my favorites is 'You mentioned, xxx, tell me more'.

These 'discovery' questions, are those that generate an answer which is not a 'yes' or a 'no'. One which encourages the person you are in conversation with to tell you their story, which makes them feel that you are very much in tune with them and really care for them.

Just by shifting the emphasis more towards them, than desperately wanting it to be more about you, a big change in your relationships will happen, positively.

People will like you; they will want to be your friend.

And, your motivation for better relationships? Apart from just getting to know people a lot better, they will want to help you and do things which sharpen the relationship.

It just takes a little change in how you are when you engage with others. And it will serve you well.
About the Author
(c) 2007 "How To Land Your Dream Job". You can have the job of your dreams. It takes application, attention and the information you need to get you there, young or old. There's all you need at Martin Haworth's website, http://www.HowToLandYourDreamJob.com
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