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25 Things Not To Hide In Your Safe
On September 1, 1985, the very first "Top Ten" list was broadcast on David Letterman's NBC show, Late Night. It was called "The Top Ten Things That Almost Rhyme With Peas". And, since then, the top ten list has been a staple of The Late Show with David Letterman.
Although it's a thing of legend, not many people know its history.
The top ten list came about because Letterman felt the lists in People magazine were just so annoying. And its annoyance was compounded as more and more magazines and periodicals started to jump on the "Worst 10" list bandwagon.
Then, starting in 2007, during NASCAR Media Day in New York City the Top Ten list has become the Top Twelve list. On that night, the twelve drivers that will be in the playoffs read one line each.
Well, friends, in case you've been sipping hootch for the past nine years, you have to know it's not the 20th century anymore. It's a new world and the top ten just won't cut it. And going beyond ten only once a year just isn't good enough.
It's time to up the ante. As we head into the second decade of the twenty-first century it's time to take some massive action. So the gauntlet is now being thrown.
In a never ending quest to keep the public well informed about truly pertinent matters, and with a bit of friendly rivalry in mind, this article humbly offers the top 25 things you should never put in your safe.
And remember, kids, if you put them there it's at your own peril.
1. Your dinner
2. The combination to your safe
3. Your ex lover
4. Your cell phone - unless you're expecting a call from your ex lover
5. Any crying children
6. Your neighbor - unless you put his dog in there
7. Your eyeglasses
8. Pocket change - unless it's from the pocket of the Sultan of Brunei
9. A new box of condoms
10. The alarm clock you use to wake up to go to work
11. The special flashlight you use only during blackouts
12. Your only set of car keys
13. A lit candle
14. Your self portrait - particularly if your name is Dorian Gray
15. Your black book
16. A Pet Rock
17. Kool Aid from Jonestown
18. Your car battery
19. Broken glass
20. A family of tarantulas
21. Your psychic
22. Your pacemaker
23. Body piercings - if your body is still attached
24. Rosie O'Donnell - well, it depends how big your safe is
25. A telemarketer - you'll hear a bunch of annoying screams at dinnertime
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