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Second Chances - Yes or No?

Aug 17, 2007
Should you give them another chance when they cheat? The experts answer that question by saying that in general, if you do, they will cheat again, and the relationship won't last or you'll just be left in a relationship where you endure continual cheating. So the answer to "Should you give them another chance?" is, in most cases, a resounding no.

While many cheaters don't get caught, most slip up one time and that one time is all it takes for their partner to find out. Most of the time these partners are suspicious but waiting for the 'proof'. The ramifications of being caught are usually pretty earthshaking, because most spouses, especially men, answer no to the question of "Should you give them another chance?" Cheating destroys trust, say the experts, and in relationships trust is one of the most, if not the most, important ingredient to a lasting loving life together.

What's so discouraging is that relationship experts have determined that three fourths of men cheat on their partner in their committed relationship. What's even more surprising is that half of the women do too. In other words, most people cheat on their loved and loving partners. Cheating is one of the most demoralizing and hurtful things anyone can do to their life partner. So deciding if they should give them another chance is also deciding if they should let themselves risk being exposed to that type of hurt and pain all over again.

Most people opt out of the risk. Most people who are the victims of the cheating partner can't forgive and forget. They can't get back to a place of trust and respect. Even those who try to do so, and try to take them back find themselves suspicious all the time, accusatory, angry and not able to resume the love and the trust. Sometimes they can't resume the sexual relationship. Which exacerbates the chances that the cheating will start again.

Experts say that a long term relationship can survive one partner's cheating but it's not likely that it will. The answer to "Should you give them another chance?" has as much to do with the fact that try as you might it's just not going to be rekindled as it does with not taking the chance on being cheated on again.

If you're going to give them another chance, you should only do so if the cheating was a one-time fling. If it was a long term affair, watch out. Not only has your partner been a clever, manipulative and calculating liar for a very long time, but he or she is not likely to be over that other woman or man, nor is that third party likely to give up without a 'fight'. You may be in for a long and painful fight to keep your partner from the lover. And you could very well lose.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called Hot-Firefighters.com along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at
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