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Mistakes Men And Women Make With Each Other

Aug 17, 2007
As much as women are the smarter sex, this only holds true when they are thinking straight and not under pressure. When they are young, hot, and have lots of time, they play their cards differently. As they get older and the biological clock starts getting louder, their judgment suffers.

Like anyone, once you start wanting something too badly, you make poor decisions. You tend to rush things and become more impatient, letting the other person sense your hunger for whatever it is you seek. You become desperate.

That will put you at a disadvantage and handicap your ability to judge. Always having an option, and not needing it badly, is the key.

Relationships are no different. As women get older, they tend to turn up the screws of a relationship faster. They see their options dwindling, as they are not yet where they want to be in life, which is on "the program". The woman starts to pressure the man she sees as the one who will get her on "the program". "The Program" being married, secure, couple of kids to justify not having to work, legally protected in case the relationship ends, benefit of a higher earner to move her up in live etc.

That pressure quite often leads to problems in the relationship, as most guys don't like being pressured into taking the next step before they are ready themselves.

Almost anywhere you go, when you meet new people, the first question out of any single women's mouth is, "Hi, how are you? So what do you do?" Now, I know that to some degree they may be trying to start up a conversation, but what that really means most of the time is, "I don't have time to waste, so I need to know if you're a good earner before I waste any time talking to you."

It's like women have become so desperate that they need to know right away what the deal is with you. It would be like the guy asking her right away, "Hi, how are you? So do you swallow?"

When a woman asks that question, any reasonably smart guy knows exactly where she's coming from, and what her intentions are going to be. That is a huge turnoff. It's pressure before anything even begins between the two of you. As a woman, how would you look at a guy if he let you know right away that all he wanted was some action? You've done the same thing to him, you just don't realize it.

Women create their own worst fears by being overly impatient about where something is going. Instead of going with the flow and allowing things to develop at their own normal pace, they try to accelerate them. That attempted acceleration usually ruins whatever it is they had going up until then. Women become the authors of their own misfortune.

Women who are desperate will not get what they want. If you instantly let the guy know that what you really need is a meal ticket, chances are he will not respond the way you want him to. Getting right to the nitty-gritty when you meet him, or trying to pressure him to commit prematurely, will let him know that. And faking it won't work, either. You can't just pretend to not want it. You must genuinely not need it. Then it will happen all day long.

As women get close to thirty, they really need to relax and not try to force something to happen. Don't force meeting someone, and don't force an existing relationship forward. Forcing a meeting usually doesn't do anything more than getting the guy you met laid a few times. Forcing an existing relationship to the next level can cost you the guy who would have eventually committed and propelled you onto "the program"

If he is really worthwhile, he will not be pressured into a commitment. If he isn't worth it, the pressure will work. That's why it's a no-win situation for a female to give her man the ultimatum before he's ready. If you win, you lose, and if you lose, you lose.

Allow things to develop. Yes, some guys will take a lot more patience than others. Yes, most guys won't move as quickly as you want them to. However, be patient and follow your heart and mind, and don't let the biological clock affect your decisions and make you do something stupid. You will know if he just needs more time. You will know if he will ultimately commit. And you will know that without asking him and letting him know that's what you're waiting for.

Men are totally different creatures in how they screw up with women. Most of their screw-ups happen as a result of not having enough balls to deal with women straight up. They tend to lie to women in an attempt to keep them happy. As much as women hate being lied to, they do like the idea that they are that significant for him to think he has to lie to her.

Let's say you stopped at the pub on the way home for a few drinks with the boys. You get home, and she's mad because you're half an hour late. The biggest mistake most guys make is to immediately try to lie to justify what they did.

They make excuses for being late and lie about where they were. What guys don't know is the minute you do that, you've just raised her authority in your life. You've elevated her into being your boss. You must answer to her.

Although women don't like the lies, they love the idea that you're answering to her. She's been elevated to a position of authority. Just as you will lie to your boss at work because of his authority, you now have done the same thing with your spouse. She's now your boss, and you will be hiding and lying and answering to her forever.

What you should have done when you got home late from the pub, instead of cowardly excusing and trying to justify it, is to say, "Sorry I'm late, but I've had a long day. The boys were stopping off for a couple of drinks, and I did the same. I wanted to." Plain and simple.

You've now taken her authority away from her. You've simply admitted why you were late without fear of repercussions by her. She's not your boss. You're not concerned about her authority over you. That's the message you want to send. You'll be surprised once you employ this approach how few arguments and lies you will have to deal with in the future.

Do you remember how schoolyard bullies were? They would not stop pushing you until you stood up to them. Usually the longer you waited to stand up to them, the harder it became to do so, because by then the bully knew you were afraid of them.

Believe it or not, women are no different. They're like dogs that can sense fear. When you're afraid of them, they know it and take full advantage of it. You're their slave.

That's why, when you come home and start lying to her, she knows it's because, to some degree, you're afraid of her reaction if you tell her the truth. She's not only been elevated to being the boss, she's the schoolyard bully pushing you around and watching you hide from her and the truth.
About the Author
Andey Randead is the author of The Great Female Con , a highly controvertial account of many current relationship issues. His book can be previewed at http://www.thegreatfemalecon.com
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