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Why Do Lovers Lie?

Aug 17, 2007
Lies and betrayal are often found in the closest, most intimate relationships. It seems strange since these are the relationships where we expect to find truth and honesty. It is these expectations, though, that open the door for lies. That is the key to understanding why lovers lie.

It is very easy to take a lie personally. The other person obviously does not respect you nor do they care about your feelings if they lie to you. However, lies are not usually that easy to define.

One of the things at the heart of lie between lovers is fear. Lovers lie because they are afraid of hurting or upsetting their partner. They are afraid of disappointing them. They try to cover up by lying when it only compounds the trouble.

It is quite easy to rationalize why someone should not lie, but once you really look at a situation you can see why a person would be inclined to lie over telling the truth.

For example, let's say you went out and got caught up in some excitement and ended up kissing someone else. While your intentions were never to do so, you still did it. You have no intentions of ever doing it again and you are now aware of what situations could put you in that predicament and plan on avoiding them.

If you go home and tell your partner they are likely to be very angry. It could impact your relationship in such a way that it could be destroyed. You decide that by not telling your partner you are saving them from the heartache and the stress of the truth.

Your intentions are to spare their feelings, since the kiss meant nothing. You are not thinking about disrespecting them or hurting them. In fact, you are thinking the opposite.

However, what you didn't think about was that they would find out through someone else. By finding out this way they automatically believe you lied on purpose because you felt guilty. They think you are hiding things from them and now you have a whole new mess to clean up.

It is very easy to see how a rationalized lie can quickly explode. It would have been much easier to tell the truth in the first place and must less devastating on the relationship.

People often feel that close relationships make the perfect environment for lies. People in a relationship become very intimately close and vulnerable. They start to believe there is no way their partner could lie to them because they know them so well. This is why lovers lie. It is so easy to do so and in the end they believe it is better than telling the truth.
About the Author
Jane Haller runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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