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The Single Biggest Killer of Relationships

Aug 17, 2007
Romantic relationships are difficult. The fact is clear that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That is a staggering figure and one that we should all be working towards lowering. Marriage can be such a good thing. Marriage is beneficial and it is wonderful when it is between two people who are good for each other. Even in relationships that are not marriages, failure is high. The single biggest killer of relationships is so simple and so easy to overcome that it is shocking.

You are probably guilty of this relationship killer and do not even know it. The single biggest killer of relationships is expectations. Having and setting expectations is the best way to ruin a relationship.

What happens is a person goes into a relationship or during the course of a relationship develops expectations for their partner. They so strongly desire their partner meets these expectations that they become blinded to the partner they really have. Even if the partner tries to meet the expectations it will never be exactly what their partner wants. This is because expectations in relationships are most often unobtainable.

When our expectations do not get met we begin fighting and there's no way to work it out because our expectations will never be fulfilled. So, it goes on until the relationship ends.

One of the reasons we set expectations is because we all have this preconceived notion of what we want in our ideal mate. When we do get into a relationship it is likely the person meets some of our ideal mate qualities, but probably not all of them. Due to the fact that they are so close to our perfect mate, we start to believe that they can reach the goals of being our ideal mate.

These expectations form and the relationship is doomed. Expectations can cause resentment and frustration. They place unrealistic demands on our partner and start to make them feel as if they are good enough.

Expectation are so harmful that even the most ideal couple can be ruined by them. If a person harbors these expectations then they are likely going to surface at some point. The best thing to do with expectations is to forget about them.

Letting expectations grow and feeding them is only adding fuel to the fire. Soon those expectations will come out and then the relationship is in trouble. It is a matter of working through them yourself. You have to accept that your partner is who they are. You can not expect to change them and you can not expect to mold them into whatever it is you expected them to be. If you are so bothered that they do not meet your expectations then perhaps you are with the wrong person after all.
About the Author
Jane Haller runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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