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Why Hugh Grant Had The Right Idea

Aug 17, 2007
Last week when I heard the story of Hugh Grant chasing the paparazzi, I burst out laughing. He had the right idea, but the wrong tools. I have never heard of anyone being scared away by a pot of baked beans.

While some paparazzi make an honest living doing trade with celebrities who need their photos, others are just plain and simple stalkers, who violate every known standard of ethics, and decency.

Being involved in some celebrity bodyguarding at one time, I can tell a few tales of these blood sucking leeches.

On one assignment with a young actor, we came home to his beach house one night to find a wet shoeprint near a window by the front door. A search of the house turned up the scumbag hidden in the closet of the master bedroom with a full camera setup.

He left without his camera, and all his gear, and I never saw him again. He probably had to wash a lot of dishes to replace that unit, which was worth a lot of money.

A year or two later on the east coast, heading up security for a big rock and roller, I found bugs and hidden cameras in the house he was renting. I had to bring in some big dogs to get the couple who set that up.

After a couple of years, I got out of that end of the security business, because the stalkers never went away. You got rid of one guy, or a couple of them, and more appeared like magic.

Some of the folks I worked for were stand up, and others, well, lets just say I have no regrets about getting out. It's the stand up folks I feel sorry for. All they really want is to go about their business, and their lives, without some nutcase following them
around, or being in their lives, or house.

One of my clients, a famous woman, found someone in her house three times in one year. She was terrified to be in her own house. Then there were the ones who dogged the outside of her house, and the edges of the property.

The last guy she caught in her house got a very hot reception.

She gave him a good amount of voltage from a stun gun, and he hit the floor hard. She didn't call the police, she called me.

I had a chat with him and he disappeared. I went to his apartment a few days later, and found the door wide open. He blew town. A year or two later the woman moved to Italy.

I still get a card from her now and then, and nobody bothers her there.

But why should Hugh Grant get arrested? He was justifiably angry at a moron who was stalking him.

Stalking is a crime.

So why don't police arrest these deadbeats? It's low level crime, according to the police.

Well, if a cop goes home and finds someone in his house, I'm willing to bet it would be a high level crime, and their would be a shooting report to boot.

If someone was hanging around the house of a police chief, you can bet that it wouldn't last very long. You can also bet there would be a bunch of mysterious bruises on that clown.

The police serve, but they don't protect, not by a long shot.

Hugh Grant was just trying to protect his privacy, his home.

That's a right that nobody pays much attention to these days, in the new age of information. Most people seem to think this sort of invasion is okay, as long as it isn't them, and there's a juicy good story.

I'm giving fair warning here: Don't ever let me find you in my house, or on my property, without an invitation. Im a stun first, spray first kind of guy. Then I might ask you what you're doing.

Hugh, I gotta love ya. The baked beans were a bit prissy, but I know how you feel. Maybe if you had eaten them, and then fired?
About the Author
Nui (Big) Kahuna is a recognized
personal security expert. He writes
a no hold barred daily email and blog,
in addition to offering personal
security products on his website:
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