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What Would You Do If You Ran The World?

Aug 17, 2007
No one has asked me yet; but if I ran the world, solving the problems of peace, health, and poverty would, of course, be first on my agenda. Then I'd solve the irksome problems that plague everyday life.

In the field of politics - where you have to be careful where you step - politicians' noses would get longer when they lied and we'd vote for the best person for political office - not the least offensive.

Which reminds me, shopping cart wheels wouldn't get stuck in one direction and neither would voters. Eighteen-year-olds, who both vote and fight to protect our right to vote, would be old enough to drink alcoholic beverages. After all, voting and military service are sobering experiences.

Because driving should be a sober experience, the initials DUI would be on the license plates of convicted drunken drivers. While on the subject of drivers, those over a certain age wouldn't be allowed to drive - no, drivers under a certain height wouldn't be allowed to drive. You'd have to be able to see over the steering wheel to drive.

And when you saw parking spaces, they would all be the same size. No more trying to fit a family-size car into an I-have-my-life-under-control, compact space.

No more illegible handwriting by doctors. No more "Do Not Remove" tags on mattresses. No more taxation to the point of it being taxing.

The reply "No problem" would be removed from the English language because there was a problem. And the problem of saying "goes" instead of "says" would be made to go away before our language goes to Hell.

Scotch tape and plastic wrap wouldn't stick to themselves and people would stick to what they said. If they said they wanted to stop smoking, I'd make it easier. Smoking would be fattening. This would drastically reduce teen smoking too.

While on the subject of teens, pants that hung below the hips would have to be worn with suspenders; and hats could only be worn backwards if the head was also on backwards. Forward thinking would be my platform.

Diamonds in engagement rings would get bigger as the marriage lasted longer. Cell phones would no longer work in restaurants. The postal system would work because Santa Claus would deliver the mail. And last but not least, the three-day weekend would improve the reputation of Mondays - or at least make them lighter blue.
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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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