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Adjusting With Life After Divorce

Aug 17, 2007
Life after divorce can take some adjusting, especially if the marriage has lasted several years. It can be difficult trying to grasp a completely different mindset towards someone you once vowed to love and cherish for all eternity.

A divorced person can experience a slew of emotions after the papers are signed, including a feeling of helplessness and despair. When children are involved in divorce settlements, custody and visitation rights become an issue as well. But life does not have to end once you obtain your divorce, and there are many ways to help you cope.

After divorce, it is important to try and get your life back on track as soon as possible. This is especially true when it comes to entering the dating scene again. It can be extremely difficult for a divorced person to overcome the "emotional baggage" attached to divorce settlements. When your spouse wants to end the marriage, you may feel helpless and defeated because the situation is beyond your control.

These feelings can carry over into future relationships you have, making it difficult for you to find love again. It is important to fight the tendency to feel sorry for yourself because your marriage is over. This only leads to you playing the role of a victim, expecting someone else to solve your problems.

Instead, take the bull by the horns and make changes in your life to suit what you want and need. It could be a simple as getting a new haircut or signing up for a membership to your local gym. Whatever the remedy may be, doing things for yourself will help you heal from the stress and emotional strain a divorce can cause.

Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions.

Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them. Explain that holiday traditions don't have to change, but will only be different because both parents won't be present.

Listening to your child's fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.

After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings.

One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility.

Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender. Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse's health insurance plan for as long as three years.

This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent's coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.

Adjusting to life after divorce can seem difficult at first. But with time, the emotional wounds you feel will heal. Giving yourself a chance to cope with the changes you face in life will allow you to find out what is most important to you. Knowing this before you enter a new relationship can prevent you from having a string of meaningless romances.

Discovering what is important to you will also help alleviate the problems children encounter when living with a divorced parent. And even if property settlements add extra strain to a difficult situation, coming to grips with your own emotions will improve your ability to think clearly.
About the Author
Mike Selvon owns a number of niche portal. Please visit our divorce portal for more great tips on life after divorce . While you are there don't forget to claim your free gift.
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