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The Guide to the First Date - How to Be Yourself and be Gentlemanly Doing It

Aug 17, 2007
Some men are naturals when it comes to dating and playing the whole romance game. For me, it was never that easy. I was never that good at it and found quite often that it just took way too much effort and change to even enjoy dating. However, at a certain point, it all changed for me.

I decided that I was going to enjoy dating and loose the stress of trying to impress my date if it killed me. Dating is supposed to be fun and enjoyable and it absolutely can be if you follow my tips.

I do not claim to have the answer on how to win the girl. But, I do know how to make your evening with your date much more pleasant. I can also honestly tell you, that if you follow my tips below, you will enable someone to figure out who you really are.

I firmly believe that it is imperative for a man to be honest and realistic with his date. Otherwise, the show you put on may go fine, but later on the real you will begin to surface. The real you may be a nice person, but she will not be happy with finding out that you have been deceitful in the beginning. You do not want your relationship kicking off like this.

The first thing that a man should do is make communication a priority. Everybody has a rule on when to call her. Well, so do I. First thing you should do is get rid of the "what am I supposed to do next" thoughts. These will get you in trouble and kill your confidence.

Remember, we want her to find out who you really are. I do not believe she is interested in finding out how well you act like everyone else. So, communication is a must. This is where most men go wrong. Women want men to think about them. They want men to talk to them. So, if you have met his great girl, and have exchanged numbers or have received permission to call her, just do it.

Do not wait a few days, a week or even two weeks. There is no timeframe. Call her soon. By calling her, you can gain her interest even more than you already have. Do not play games with her by playing "the game". Call her and make a date. She would not have given you her number if she did not want you to call.

Let's talk about the date.

Congratulations, you have called her and made your first date. Now, let's get prepared. Again, we are not going to try to create a new you or a better you. We are simply going to take who you are and dust it off.

I should not have to go into this, and I wouldn't if I didn't see so many men that go out on dates looking like dirt bags. Maybe this is a fad that I haven't connected with, but it still makes the man look like a dirt bag.

Believe it or not, like it or not, she will remember that first impression until the day that you two are in your golden years, in rockin' chairs and sitting on the front porch. Or, maybe she'll be in her golden years on the front porch with the man she married because you came dressed like a dirt bag.

With that in mind, groom yourself. Now, I am by no means the GQ magazine type, but it doesn't reduce my masculinity to clean myself up, especially for a date.


It is that simple. Don't look like you had to sleep out in the woods the previous night. Shave that mug. You may want to demonstrate your rough look to your date hinting to her that you are a very outdoorsy and rough character by not shaving. This does not work.

If you are trying to demonstrate your character by your appearance, then something is not right. Real people who know who they are and are confident in who they are do not feel that they have to demonstrate or act out who they are by dressing, grooming or acting a certain way. The harder you try to appear a certain way, the more artificial it looks.

Put on some nice clothes.

I despise the way men dress these days. Why put a t-shirt on the outside of a long sleeve dress shirt? Again, maybe I have drifted away from fad and style. If this is your goal, maybe you should skip dating for now and look into becoming a runway model.

Ok, enough sarcasm, at least for a paragraph or two.

Wear nice clothing. Iron your clothing. Ensure that it was washed before putting it on. If there is holes in it, man made or natural made, put it back in the closet and wear it he next time you need to change the oil in your truck, or BMW.

Comb your hair. Again, simple but often neglected. Again, maybe my disconnect from the fad is kicking in again. Regardless, comb your hair. It looks like you give a flip about looking nice for your date and she will appreciate it.

Ok, now your all dressed up and ready to go.

Show up on time to pick her up. Do not be late and do not be more than ten minutes early. She will probably not be ready. She does this for a number of reasons that we will not get into now. Stay tuned for later.

Get out of your vehicle and go knock on the door. If you are the type of guy that sits in the driveway and honks, immediately begin choking yourself before her father or neighbors do.

Knock on the door. When the door opens, smile and introduce yourself. If she lives with her family, make it a point to meet them. You don't have to tell them your life story or spend the night, just speak, smile and shake hands.

If Dad is there, shake his hand. Do not lay your hand in his like a cold, dead fish. Grasp his hand, smile, look him in the eye and shake his hand. Being nervous is fine. If it is obvious, that is fine too. A father can have more respect for a guy that will come to the door and shake his hand despite the nerves than one who is so bashful that he will not even speak or looks at the floor with hands stuffed in the pockets to do so.

Alrighty. Now that you have made proper introductions, escort your date to your car and open the door for her. You may feel that this is a bit throwback or corny. You are wrong. You should open that car door for her on the first date and for the rest of your life if you are lucky enough to spend it with her.

When you arrive at the location of your date, get out of your vehicle and again, open the door for her. If she gets out by herself, don't sweat it. Ensure that you open the door for her to the restaurant or the any building that you enter. Be a gentleman.

The course of the date is important. One thing that you should keep in mind during the date is that your goal is not to impress her with your rendition of Mr. Cool, but you want to impress her with who you are. Trust me, she likes what she sees so far or you would not have gotten this far. So, give her who you are, the real you.

Ask questions.

Do not put your every effort into impressing your date with your job, experience, life or anything that you commonly use to impress the buddies or strangers. This does not work. She wants to hear about you, not about how accomplished or successful you are.

Ask questions about her. If you leave this date without knowing a few things about her like where she grew up, what she does for a living, what she likes to do for fun, who her favorite singer is, favorite show, favorite hobby, favorite song and other things such as this, then you have failed.

A lady wants a man who is interested in her. It is obvious when a man is so selfish that he spends his time telling folks about himself. If she wants to know, she will ask you. Right now, you should be nodding, smiling and commenting on the responses she gives you to the questions you ask about her.

Do not be rude.

When the waiter or waitress comes, be a gentleman. Be polite. Do not demand or act obnoxious. Treat others with respect. This is what a confident man does. When you depart, leave a tip. You don't have to make their car payment, but leave a nice tip.

Drive her home and talk with her. She is sitting there wondering if you liked her. She is more nervous than you are and very sensitive. Be complimentary. Tell her she looked nice and you had a very good time. Comment on something she told you about herself earlier.

When you arrive at her home. Get out and get that door for her. Walk her to the front door. Say goodnight or goodbye and mention that you would like to see her again. Do not expect an answer. Be happy with the smile she gives you. That is your answer and all you need.

My advice, do not kiss her on the first date. A nice hug is a demonstration of the gentleman that you are. She will appreciate this because I promise you, she has been nervous about it all night.

Well, that's my advice on the first date. I wish you good luck.
About the Author
William Doggett is a straight shooting life coach. His in-depth study and life experience have given him the knowledge, sense and humor to enjoy life in ever aspect. Take a look at his matchmaking website at www.eharmony.empire-cole.com .
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