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Evolutech Two: Blackberry Man

Aug 18, 2007
In their infancy, computers took up entire buildings. They were installed by strong men who could lift and assemble heavy cabinets, transformers, thick cables, and endless boxes of vacuum tubes. These were manly men indeed, rugged pioneers felling the forests of ignorance and low technology.

They stood eight feet tall and weighed nearly a third of a ton. Their arms were like tree trunks, their legs squat Roman columns and just as hard. When they stood, they blocked out the sun.

Then the computers became smaller. Soon you could fit one into a single room. The great giants of the first computer age could not fit into these rooms. They got stuck, broke furniture, knocked pictures off the walls. Exiled and ostracized, they quietly slipped away to die, or became nightclub bouncers.

The men who installed the new computers were not nearly as large. They used handcarts to transport the computers into the rooms. The cables were still copper, but much smaller, and the machines were quieter.

Then the computers continued to get smaller. Now there were machines that could fit onto a single desk. Setting them up required minimal expertise. Anyone could unpack the computer from the box, install the software, and have it up and running in a matter of hours.

The men who installed the room-size computers were no longer needed. Exiled and ostracized, they quietly slipped away to die, or became cable and satellite television installers.

Yet again, the computers got smaller. New machines called laptops as they could sit comfortably on ones lap. There was virtually no assembly required. Many even came with software already installed.

No men were needed. They slipped away and died, or devolved into harmless peripheral beings."The View" became the number one rated show on television. Oprah was elected President of the United States.

And still the computers got smaller. Hand-held PDAs became the computer of choice for these small-handed peripheral Blackberry Men who lived in the shadows, checking for sports scores at ESPN, which now covered only Women's Basketball.

Then, one day, a rumbling came from under the earth. The sleeping giants from the first computer age emerged from the nightclubs they patrolled. The second generation men climbed down from the satellite dish-dotted roofs of suburbia. Local area network administrators emerged from their mothers' basements

The Revolution was afoot. Men reclaimed their manliness. Sport sites with pop-up ads for power tools reappeared on laptops. Order was restored.

The Blackberry men served hors d'oeuvres, made tea and kept the place neat as a pin.
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