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Don't Be Her Rebound Guy

Aug 18, 2007
Finally, the girl you've been hoping to hook up with is available. Now you're in with a chance of finally getting a date with her. Despite the fact you are eager to get in there before another guy steals her attention, don't rush in. If the relationship she's just left was a long-term one, or one that was fairly serious or steady, then this is not a girl who is going to be looking for commitment anytime soon -- especially if the guy she was dating left her for someone else. If you are serious about having more than a one-night stand with her, proceed slowly.

Girls leaving a serious, or even semi-serious relationship, where their trust was broken by the guy going off with another girl, will often take up with the first available man that offers them comfort. This isn't because they're needy, or because they're attracted to this other person, but more because they need some assurance that they are worthy of a man's attention. This is a rebound romance and it's not destined to last. Is that the guy you want to be? Rebound guy only lasts as long as it takes for her bruised ego to mend and her self-confidence to rise, then she's going to look for a man that she's romantically interested in -- of course it is possible that rebound guy is the one, but it's not likely.

Instead of hitting on her the moment her relationship with her ex is over, just offer a shoulder for her to cry on. Be there for her. Let her vent about him. Let her feel sorry for herself for a while. Make yourself available for her. If you're the one taking her out for a quiet meal or a drink, at least the other guys aren't able to move in!

Wait until she's less angry or upset about the ex, and then start to change the relationship subtly. Tell her you think her ex was a fool, that he let someone special walk out of his life and that you'd never have done that. Start to hold her hand more, to be more physical when you are with her. Take her to the movies and then out to supper -- gently suggest that it's like a date. You're already in a good position so you don't need to overplay your hand at this stage. Just fall naturally into a relationship with her.

The one mistake you could make however is to put yourself into the situation of being her "best friend", because having recently lost an ex, she's going to be scared to also lose a friend and therefore she could be reluctant to change the relationship with you in case she loses a boyfriend and best friend in one swoop if the relationship fails. Avoid this by being close but don't block out her girlfriends! You want to be her buddy until she pulls herself together, but that's not your long-term goal.

Even when you're supporting her through this emotional crisis, you're there for her to lean on; you don't want to be letting her see that you're interested in other girls (unless you feel that may get her attention!). Keep the conversation light and impersonal about relationships from your perspective, unless of course you can mention personality traits about a girl that you are attracted to and which she has.

Rebound guy may be first to snap her up when she becomes available, but if you're looking for a serious relationship with her, playing it cool is much more likely to get you the girl in the end.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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