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How To Approach Men Anywhere

Aug 18, 2007
The question is: In what way do you want them to perceive you when you do approach them? Do you want them to be instantly attracted to you? Or are you hoping to find a man amongst them that you will be attracted to? Or do you just want to be part of the social group and mingle as a 'person' rather than a woman? How you want the men to think about you is very much part of how you approach them.

If you are hoping for some kind of physical relationship then you can pretty much approach guys anyway you want! For men, the obvious reason they allow a woman within their midst is to pursue her. They are always thinking about the physical contact rather than any other form of relationship. They aren't usually thinking long-term relationship either so keep that in mind before you make a move! If you approach a group of men and become flirty with them, you are pandering to their belief that women are only looking for fun and they want some of that!

Women who want to be 'one of the boys' can often approach men casually without any problem, but they have to make the boundaries very clear from the get-go. Don't let any of the guys get away with making a pass at you. Any attempt to chat you up should be verbally slapped down. Make sure that the men know you're there to socialize and nothing more. It shouldn't be a factor in today's culture, but it helps if you look the part and don't approach this kind of situation in a micro-mini and heels because even though what you wear shouldn't send the wrong message, it is received that way by the male mind!

What you also need to keep in mind is that the boundaries also apply to you -- don't flirt with them unless you are comfortable with them doing the same with you, in which case you are shifting the boundaries. Be careful with this one, even if you've known the guys for quite some time -- it won't take much encouragement for a man to start thinking of you as 'available'!

For those who aren't as self-confident, it's okay to just observe for a while. See if there's any guy in the room that you're attracted to. Find an opening such as getting a drink the same time he does, standing beside him in a group, smile if you find him looking at you. Once you've got some initial connection, ask him about himself.

Use your body language to show that you're interested in him. Smile. Lean towards him a little when you're chatting -- not too close so as to invade his space, but closer than you would if you weren't attracted to him! Listen to what he's saying so you can keep the conversation going. If he answers your questions in detail, it's a sign that he's not unwelcoming your attention. On the other hand, if he gives yes/no type answers, he's showing that he's not really interested, so don't waste your time on this one.

If you've got the confidence, a woman can approach men anywhere. You don't even have to have a runway figure or a beautiful face in order to do so. All you need is poise and an air of self-assurance that men will pick up on and you'll be welcomed within their group.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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