Home » Arts and Entertainment » Humor

Would You Rather Be In Philadelphia?

Aug 18, 2007
W.C. Fields said, "All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia". It's what he sarcastically suggested as his epitaph.

I'd rather be in Philadelphia than have my annual physical. The tests don't bother me - although being a Type A personality makes me want to study for them. Asking as many questions as I can in the fifteen minutes I'm actually with my doctor is like playing "Beat the Clock", but that doesn't bother me. However, the first U.S. Mint is in Philadelphia; and I'd rather be there thinking that I'm in mint condition than waiting for my test results.

When I go to my dentist, having him fill my mouth with cotton before he asks about my family doesn't bother me. His saying, "This may hurt a little" doesn't bother me - even though his definition of "little" and mine are a lot different. However, I'd rather be in Philadelphia than in his waiting room. Reading that William Penn wants to design a city to be named Philadelphia and that Benjamin Franklin just proved lightning is static electricity is new news according to the magazines in my dentist's waiting room.

I'd rather be in Philadelphia looking at the crack in the Liberty Bell than having the cracks in the kitchen ceiling fixed. It's not the dust or the lack of privacy or the basic chaos that bothers me. What bothers me is that fixing up the house never ends. Fixing up the house somehow makes the furniture look old, the paint look dull or the carpet look worn.

If I had to choose between being in Philadelphia or fundraising for the fifth grade class trip to science camp, I'd be in Independence Hall right now. I'd be independently trying to figure out who put the word "fun" in fundraising.

I'd rather be in Philadelphia than pretend to like a gift. I bet George Washington didn't have to pretend to like Betsy Ross' flag. I bet George didn't feel he had to say, "Isn't this special" or "I've never seen one like this before" or "I can't believe you made this".

I pretend to like a plastic, gold fish lamp because I don't want to hurt Cousin Walter's feelings. I'm committed to being non-committal. W.C. Field's gravestone actually turned out to be non-committal. It says only his name and the dates 1880-1946. What it doesn't say is he was born in Philadelphia.
About the Author
KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
Take a minute to make yourself smile at
http://knightwatch.typepad.com
Rating:
Please Rate:
(Average: Not rated)
Views: 164
Print Email Report Share
Article Categories
    • Classic Cars
    • Motorcycles
    • Recreational Vehicles
    • SUVs
    • Trucks
    • Vans
    • Branding
    • Business Opportunities
    • Careers and Jobs
    • Corporate
    • Customer Service
    • Direct Mail
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Ethics
    • Financing
    • Franchising
    • Home-Based Business
    • Human Resources
    • Import and Export
    • Leadership
    • Management
    • Market Research
    • Marketing and Advertising
    • Negotiation
    • Network Marketing
    • Networking
    • Organizational
    • Presentation
    • Project Management
    • Public Relations
    • Small Business
    • Strategic Planning
    • Team Building
    • Telemarketing
    • Training
    • Data Recovery
    • Databases
    • Games
    • Hardware
    • Networks
    • Operating Systems
    • Programming
    • Security
    • Software
    • Spyware and Viruses
    • Ask an Expert
    • College and University
    • Home Schooling
    • K-12
    • Languages
    • Online Education
    • Psychology
    • Accounting
    • Credit
    • Currency Trading
    • Debt Consolidation
    • Insurance
    • Investing
    • Leasing
    • Loans
    • Mortgage
    • Mutual Funds
    • Personal Finance
    • Stock Market
    • Structured Settlements
    • Taxes
    • Wealth Building
    • Coffee
    • Cooking
    • Gourmet
    • Recipes
    • Wine and Spirits
    • Acne
    • Aerobics
    • Alternative Medicine
    • Beauty
    • Cancer
    • Cosmetics
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Diseases and Conditions
    • Fitness Equipment
    • Fitness
    • Hair Loss
    • Heart Disease
    • Medicine
    • Men's Health
    • Muscle Building
    • Nutrition
    • Skin Care
    • Supplements and Vitamins
    • Weight Loss
    • Women's Health
    • Yoga
    • Arts and Crafts
    • Babies
    • Collecting
    • Elderly Care
    • Genealogy
    • Hobbies
    • Parenting
    • Pets
    • Pregnancy
    • Woodworking
    • Feng Shui
    • Gardening
    • Home Appliances
    • Home Security
    • Interior Design
    • Landscaping
    • Affiliate Programs
    • Article Marketing
    • Auctions
    • Audio
    • Banner Advertising
    • Blogging
    • Broadband
    • Domain Names
    • E-Books
    • E-Commerce
    • Email Marketing
    • Ezines and Newsletters
    • Forums
    • Internet Marketing
    • Link Popularity
    • Pay-Per-Click
    • Podcasting
    • RSS
    • Search Engine Marketing
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Security
    • Social Media
    • Spam
    • Video
    • Viral Marketing
    • Web Design
    • Web Development
    • Web Hosting
    • Copyright
    • Cyber Law
    • Intellectual Property
    • National, State, Local
    • Patents
    • Regulatory Compliance
    • Trademarks
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Baseball
    • Basketball
    • Boating
    • Cycling
    • Extreme Sports
    • Fishing
    • Football
    • Golf
    • Hockey
    • Hunting
    • Martial Arts
    • Running
    • Scuba Diving
    • Soccer
    • Swimming
    • Tennis
    • Dating
    • Divorce
    • Marriage
    • Weddings
    • Astrology
    • Buddhism
    • Christianity
    • Faith
    • Hinduism
    • Islam
    • Judaism
    • Meditation
    • Metaphysical
    • New Age
    • Cable and Satellite TV
    • Cell Phones
    • Communication
    • Gadgets and Gizmos
    • GPS
    • Satellite Radio
    • Video Conferencing
    • VoIP
    • Addictions
    • Coaching
    • Goal Setting
    • Motivational
    • Stress Management
    • Time Management
    • Clothing
    • Electronics
    • Fashion
    • Gifts
    • Jewelry
    • Causes and Organizations
    • Environment
    • History
    • Holidays
    • Men's Issues
    • Nature
    • Philosophy
    • Politics
    • Women's Issues
    • World Affairs
    • Air Travel
    • Camping
    • Cruises
    • Destinations
    • Outdoors
    • Article Writing
    • Book Reviews
    • Copywriting
    • Fiction
    • Non-Fiction
    • Poetry
    • Quotes
    • Screenplay
    • Tools and Resources