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Is There A Job You Wouldn't Do?

Aug 18, 2007
"Jobs Americans Won't Do" has been in the news a lot lately; and I admit it - there are jobs I won't do.

I won't be a high-rise window washer. My fear of height overrides my desire to peek in windows.

To the other extreme, I won't be an oceanographer - the kind who explores the deeps in a little submarine. I'm claustrophobic. Even if I weren't, I wouldn't be an oceanographer. Ever since I saw "Jaws", I'm haunted by the movie's theme song. Every time I go in the ocean every ripple in the water looks like a shark's fin.

I also have a list of jobs I wouldn't want to do. I wouldn't want to be an architect or a doctor. Both of those jobs require precision. I prefer Jell-O jobs - the ones that allow wiggle room.

However, I wouldn't want to wiggle as a lawyer trying to prove the truth, a minister trying to define the truth or a politician trying to avoid the truth.

Then there's my list of jobs I wouldn't be good at. Because I'm compulsive, I wouldn't be a good juror. I'd be unreasonable about the prosecution proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.

Being a vegetarian, I wouldn't be a good chef. The customers would beef.

Also on that list would be artist. An all-white canvas, scraps of metal welded together, a stack of boxes - how would I know when I'd finished?

According to Shakespeare, we're all actors. Sometimes I've had to act brave or confident or happy or indifferent. Nevertheless, I wouldn't be a good actor because I'm trying not to act.

I wouldn't be a good chauffeur either. I've no sense of direction. It would be a lost cause.

I'm a lost cause at fixing things, but this has made me good at using the Yellow Pages. I'm also good with reservations. My husband attributes this to my being part American Indian.

Frankly, I think I could have been a good husband. I already do everything a liberated man is expected to do - plus I discuss my feelings.

For example, I feel that in my roles as housewife and mother, I've been cook, driver, housekeeper, nurse, recreation director and secretary, as well as suburban lady of the early night. Because I haven't been paid for any of it, I'm beginning my own charity - which, of course, will begin at home.
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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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