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How To Fix A Broken Relationship

Aug 18, 2007
The internet is rich with tips on how to fix broken relationships, from magic spells to hypnosis to seduction ideas. They may all work - it's horses for courses as far as I'm concerned, but my approach is more pragmatic than those!

In trying to solve any of life's problems and challenges you have to start with two fundamental beliefs: first, that there is a solution, and secondly that you have the power, (that is strength of character, inner resources, faith even), to find and implement that solution.

In the tricky realm of fixing broken relationships, here's golden rule #1: Take responsibility for changing.

That doesn't mean you take the blame. And it doesn't mean you blame the other person either! Leave blame out of the equation: nothing could be a more certain guarantee of disaster as a relationship fixer. Maybe you ran off with the milkman or the au pair, now is not the time to bring that up!

You must accept that you can change - and here's the key - go out and do whatever it takes to make that change before you go back to your ex and promise you'll be different this time. He or she needs to see evidence of the change first! You can't fix a broken relationship without the right glue!

Also, be prepared for the best or the worst outcome. In your head, play out both scenarios to their end. I don't mean that you should mentally rehearse attracting the disastrous end, (I teach Law Of Attraction too, so this is a delicate balance), but you cannot decide what someone else's destiny will be, so you need to be able to imagine yourself coping with any eventuality. That way, when you go to put your case to your ex you aren't going in with an air of desperation and panic. Nothing is more off-putting, and you certainly don't want to be winning back the love of your life on a sympathy vote! That won't last long, and neither of you will have changed!

Sell yourself.

This sounds perhaps a tad manipulative, but actually it's inadvertently what you both did when you decided to get together in the first place. I don't mean you to adopt strong arm tactics and wearing your "customer" down until they sign on the dotted line just to shut you up. Instead you need to use the principles of all good selling: emphasise the benefits of "buying" you, not your "features."

The "feature" is likely to be, "I've changed," to which you'll probably get a cynical response at best. What are the benefits (to your loved one) of that change? Sharing more quality time together? Better sex life? Think it through, like all good sales campaigns have to be!

Finally, one huge caveat.

No matter how much pain you might be in right now, don't, I repeat do not, attempt to fix the broken relationship if to do so would mean not being true to yourself. Ultimately you will not be true to the relationship again, and doing it twice is not just double the pain for both of you. It's more like a hundred times. So don't go back there saying, "Okay, honey, let's have kids," if you think all children are brats and you've never seen yourself as the parenting kind - or whatever. This is not a game - it's life, and not only yours. Leave your ego at home, and ask yourself how much you are prepared to change to fix the broken relationship you thought was the one of your dreams.

There's one sure way to know the answer to that. Ask yourself if you love the person. If you do, if you really do, you'll be prepared to do whatever it takes to get them back and keep them - as long as you still love you too at the end of it!

It's a delicate question.

I wish there was a "one size fits all" easy formula, but if you truly want to fix a broken relationship you have to ask yourself some pretty soul searching questions. And only your soul knows the answers - so you'd better listen hard!
About the Author
Trevor Emdon is a personal development author and coach. "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" is available from www.in-love-again.com
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