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Are You Any Wiser?

Aug 18, 2007
"Older, but wiser" doesn't apply to me. When my governor campaigned for his job, he said he was wealthy - he wouldn't need special interest money. There must be a difference between need and want.

When I was trying to raise money for a special interest of mine, I didn't expect a donation from everyone I asked; but I did expect them from the people who said they'd donate. I was surprised at what some peoples' word is worth.

Our cable company says its word is worth twenty dollars. The cable man has a four-hour window to arrive. The television picture is still snowy, but we're twenty dollars richer.

I know that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't; but I didn't know that this applied to things that tasted too good. It does and my favorite muffin wasn't low fat.

Silver Sand wasn't the fastest horse in the race. In fact, most of the other horses were faster. I live on the beach and I'd bet with my heart - not my head. Because I do this so often, I've had a lot of practice to be a good loser.

I'm not a good loser when it comes to shoes. I wear an eight and a half. If my feet don't fit into an eight and a half, I won't by a nine. Obviously, I can outgrow shoes - but not my vanity.

I outgrew my belief in witches and hexes long ago, but if someone gives me directions and says, "You can't miss it", I doomed. I get lost.

My grandmother would say, "It's as plain as the nose on your face", but it's not if I can't find my glasses; and it's hard to find my glasses without my glasses. I thought I solved the problem by buying glasses for every room, but whoever steals the socks from the dryer must need glasses to do it.

"Don't believe everything you read" are more words to the should-be-wiser and are true for everything from newspapers to advertisements. I wish they were true for credit card bills and the bathroom scale.

A watched pot never boils, but I still watch. A waiters says, "Don't touch. Hot plate", but I still touch. The doctor says it won't hurt and I still believe him. If it's true you get wiser as you get older, I haven't gotten old yet.
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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
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