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Is Your Childhood Affecting Your Relationships?

Aug 18, 2007
Our childhood accounts for only about 13 years of our lives, and yet the experiences we have within that period set many of the ideas we have about life into place. The things we learn there about relationships, as well as educational matters, are things that we use to assess our social interaction as adults.

The problem is that we experience these situations as children, with a child's limited understanding. We often don't know the bigger picture or have the right perspective on what's happening. But despite this, we take the experience into our adult life and it becomes a measuring stick that we use for our own adult relationships.

Think about any problems you have with relationships in your life. Do you find it difficult to find someone who is as wonderful as your father was? Do you watching every man to see if he has the same kind of control issues that your father had? Do you approach every woman looking for the caring attitude your mother had?

Was your childhood happy? If it was, then you will either look for positive personality traits that echo those of your parents, or you won't give it a second thought!

The problem occurs when your childhood wasn't so rosy. Perhaps there was a family history of abuse, or drugs, or alcohol. Maybe you came from a family where poverty made life a daily struggle. Perhaps your parents fought with each other constantly and/or cheated on each other. All of these will give you a negative view of relationships - even as far as putting you off getting close to someone in the first place.

You may feel that because of the way you were treated by your parents, that you aren't worthy of being loved, and so you either accept an abusive relationship with a partner because you believe you deserve this, or you have a wall built up around your emotions that doesn't allow anyone else to get close to you.

If you think that it's possible that any problems with relationships that you have stem from something that happened in your past, then you need to acknowledge this, and begin to let it go. What happened in the past belongs in the past. It's ok for it to make you approach relationships with a little caution, because you know that things can go seriously wrong, but use that knowledge not to cut relationships out of your life, but rather to identify when things are really not right.

Use your knowledge of life to find yourself a partner who is everything like the person you'd like them to be, and nothing like the person(s) who created the problems you had as a child. Use the past not as a text book of how things are, but rather as a reference book of how things shouldn't be so that you avoid relationships with people who will echo those who scarred your childhood.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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