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When Is It Time to Get Closer?

Aug 18, 2007
This question is one that is different in every relationship because it very much depends on the people involved. It also depends very much on what 'closeness' means - physically close or emotionally close? These are two very different things and each of us puts more value on one than the other.

It could be that you are dating someone who was agreeable to getting physically close with the first few dates, but even some time later, you are still nowhere near getting through the wall they have around their emotions. They lock you out of how they really feel, you have no idea about where you stand with them and even if they tell you that they care about you, they don't really trust you enough to fully commit emotionally to the relationship.

On the other hand, you may be dating someone who seems very secure to put their emotional trust in you, but they are reluctant to any form of more intimate physical contact. It could be that they are comfortable with holding hands, or kissing, but nothing more intimate -or it could mean that they literally flinch away from any form of touch. Trying to push your partner into becoming closer to you in either of these aspects before they're ready can bring your relationship to an abrupt end, so you need to tread carefully!

If you feel that your partner is deliberating stopping you from getting closer, then you need to deal with the reason for this. Why don't they want to take the relationship to a deeper level? Is it that they don't like you enough? If not, what is it that's stopping them from moving forward?

It could be that they have trust issues from past relationships where they have allowed partners to get close emotionally, physically or both, and then their partner has dumped or betrayed them. It could be that they don't want to get closer on moral/religious grounds. It could be that a past experience has them afraid of committing any deeper. Whatever the reason, you can't move your relationship closer until you identify it, and find out what you can do to help your partner past it.

Getting closer in a relationship means that you are starting to invest more of your self into it. You may be ready for this, but your partner might not be. If they aren't, take the time to find out why - without putting pressure on them to change their mind - and then work out a way to bring the two of you closer that doesn't cross any boundary they have but makes the relationship stronger.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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