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Are You Emotionally Safe in Your Relationship?

Aug 18, 2007
This is a question that really only you can answer because no one but you knows how you truly feel about your partner. Trust is a key issue in any relationship, but it can mean different things to different people. Some people may say that they trust their partner not to cheat on them. That doesn't mean that they trust them completely. Trusting another person not to hurt or betray you is a deeper trust and this is where your emotional safety comes into play.

If you haven't been emotionally hurt by a previous partner, or you haven't any emotional scars from betrayal from someone else you were close to, then chances are you do feel reasonably emotionally safe in this relationship. You have no reason not to be. You don't have the lingering shadow of past experience haunting your present and telling your self-confidence not to trust too much because you'll only get hurt.

You will accept that your partner loves you and that they won't ever do anything to hurt you. This doesn't mean that you are necessarily naive enough to think that every relationship is the one that's going to last forever, just that you don't expect that when it ends, you expect it's going to be by mutual consent and not over an issue regarding trust.

On the other hand, if you have a history of past hurts, or you had a relationship in the past where you were seriously betrayed by people you loved and trusted, then you will enter all future relationships with a degree of betrayal expectation. You will anticipate that sooner or later this new partner will let you down and so you won't allow yourself to become emotionally safe within the relationship.

This is a major issue because unless you can commit yourself 100% to a relationship, and that means you knocking down the emotional wall you've built around yourself for protection, you will never be happy with any partner and you will make them pay for the wrongdoing that someone else did.

You deserve to be loved. You don't deserve to live your life in constant fear of being hurt or let down by your partner. Take some time out from the dating scene. Come to terms and accept what this other person did to you was wrong, but that it was their decision, not your actions that created the problem. Then move on with your life. Don't let the negative actions of someone else dictate how much happiness you allow into your life.

Hold back a little with your new relationship until you feel that it might be safe, and then start to be a more active partner emotionally -- share yourself, your thoughts, your dreams and your past. Chances are, your partner has also some emotional scars of their own, and you'll each be able to help the other to heal.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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