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How to Move On after a Break-Up

Aug 18, 2007
Moving on after a break-up isn't easy, especially if you weren't the partner who initiated the break-up! If the break-up was your suggestion, or a mutual decision, then it's less traumatic because all you need to do is to make sure that the person you choose to date next doesn't have the same issues that created problems in the relationship you've just ended. Remember it's normal to go for a 'type' - and if that's you, it's not working so maybe time to think about a change of type!

If, however, you're in a situation where you are moving on after a break-up that wasn't your idea, or where you didn't feel there was an option - for example if you found out that your partner was cheating - then things are a little more difficult. Between your trust being violated and your self-esteem being battered, there's a lot of emotional baggage that you need to get rid of before you take up with a new partner. It might be balm to your bruised ego to find another person who's interested in you straight away, but that doesn't mean that it's a good idea! Before you are in any position to move on, you need to accept that whatever happened in this last relationship wasn't your fault, and that it wasn't the right partner for you.

Moving on to a new partner before you're emotionally ready will put a lot of unnecessary stress onto the relationship. You will enter it expecting problems. If your 'ex' cheated on you, or abused you, you'll anticipate your new partner doing the same. This will make you play the victim to an imaginary situation, and make your new partner feel very insecure as they won't know why you are treating them with distance and/or distrust. Build up your confidence again before looking for a partner. Go out with friends socially. Go on a few dates with people who aren't looking for a relationship. Enjoy being yourself for a while.

Once you accept that your failed relationship did so because it wasn't right, and that breaking up was the right thing to do, you'll find that you are able to move on to a new relationship without the negative anticipation baggage. You'll be wary because of your experience, but exercising caution isn't a bad thing. Making your new partner pay for the way your ex-partner treated you is however, so make sure that you've ended the emotional ties to that relationship, and that you aren't looking to find someone else to punish for the 'ex's mistakes before you enter into another serious relationship.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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