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Do You Enjoy First Dates or Survive Them?

Aug 18, 2007
For most of you the answer to this question will be "survive them"! This isn't anything to do with the person you are sharing the first date with, but rather about the high level of anxiety that you put on yourself so that you are showing off your best side to your date.

The stress created from making sure you look your best, you sound as if you have some degree of intelligence, and of course, come across to your date as if you are likeable, is what makes the first date such an experience to dread! This need to impress the other person on a first date is something that almost everyone feels.

But what's a first date about? It's really about getting to know someone. To see if the person you are having the first date with is someone you want to get to know better. All the extra effort you are putting into polishing up your good points isn't showing your date the real you, and as your date will be doing the same, you won't be meeting the real them either.

It's all very well being on your best behavior but if you don't act like yourself, you won't come across as being very genuine, and you may find that the person you are with is attracted to the 'ideal' you rather than the 'real' you - which isn't going to make for a lasting relationship as sooner or later you'll have to let them see the person behind the mask!

On your next "first date" forget about the need to make a good impression. That doesn't mean to say that you show off all your bad habits, but rather that you allow your real personality to shine through. Dress up for the date, but not over the top, there's no need for designer clothes and salon created beauty just to go to a restaurant (unless this is how you'd usually dress).

There's no need to discuss current affairs and science unless this is something you are passionate about - your date will probably be much happier if you talk about things you are really interested in. Keep the conversation light and fun, and try to find some common ground that you can both discuss.

Don't forget that this is a first date, and you want to find out if you want to have a second date with this person. Ask them questions about themselves and about what they're interested in. When they ask you the same questions in return, answer with honesty and don't search for the 'right answer'. The only 'right answer' is the honest one!

A first date shouldn't be survived, it should be enjoyed - and if you like each other, and things go well, it will hopefully lead to a second one!
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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