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Should Women Pay on Dates?

Aug 18, 2007
At one time this was such an obvious question that it didn't need answered - the man always paid for dates. Always and without exception. Failure to do so was an indication that the man wasn't able to provide financially for his partner. Today however we live in a very different society, and the waters surrounding the date payment issue have become shark infested and make for an added band of stress to be placed upon the dating issues. As if it wasn't hard enough to find the right person to date, now you have not only to agree on where to have the date, but also who's going to pay for it!

In the age of equality where women are still fighting for salaries that are in line with their male counterparts, it has become a matter of cultural honor that women pay for at least their own share of the date - although a woman paying for the entire date isn't unheard of. A disagreement about who is going to pay for the date can end an otherwise perfectly good evening on a sour note.

There's a man who feels that his masculinity is in danger, not to mention his upbringing that a man is supposed to pay for the date, and a woman who is trying to prove that she isn't dependent upon a man to pay for her entertainment, and who doesn't want to feel she is expected to do something in return for the man paying for the date.

One of the best ways to get around this issue is to agree the financial rules before the date! Negotiate who is going to pay for what. Perhaps you and your date will share all of the expenses for the date. Perhaps one of you will pay for the meal and the other the entertainment. It could be that you have an arrangement where you each pay for alternate dates. If there is a large difference in the salaries that you earn, or perhaps one of you isn't earning at all, then this should also be taken into consideration when negotiating who pays for what on the date.

There are situations however where it doesn't hurt to let your man pay for the date - for example for an anniversary celebration, or for a surprise meal in a special restaurant. It doesn't mean that you are giving into old fashioned values, it just means that you are able to accept that occasionally it's nice to be treated as someone special - and there's nothing to stop you from returning the gesture at some future date!
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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