Home » Society and Culture » Women's Issues

Women: When Your Partner Drinks Too Much

Aug 18, 2007
It's disturbing when you become aware that your partner is abusing alcohol. Chances are the abuse and awareness both developed slowly and only when things got far out of control, did you notice. Most of us are good at not looking until we're forced to, it's called denial and mostly it's a healthy coping mechanism. However, with some conditions it's counterproductive. This is one of those conditions.

So, you have now awakened to the fact that there is an alcohol problem. What triggered this new awareness - bail requests, DUIs, bounced checks, etc. - doesn't really matter. You can, of course, delay doing anything productive by simply wrangling about these symptoms of alcohol abuse. Most people do, usually for years.

Why the delay? Sometimes its the hope that the problem will just go away, and occasionally it does, for a while. Understandably, none of us really wants to head down the bleak road of alcoholism and treatment.

Additionally, and embarrassingly, there is also a certain allure in being connected to a drunk. Their problems overshadow yours and, in comparison, you always look good, to yourself and others. You are the long suffering one who never has to think about cleaning up your own act since theirs is so much worse and so obviously in need of attention. Of course you also have the permanent upper hand in any disputes and a good reason for absolutely anything you might be doing. Those are a lot of generally unacknowledged benefits to give up.

And, in a perverse way, if the drinking and its effects have become intolerable to you, working at fixing it means focusing on yourself, and these "benefits," not your "other," and not on the drinking. You need to begin with yourself because it's all you can do. You need a new set of benefits.

In a word, you "disengage," both from his alcohol problem, and your sainthood.

If it's time for a change, it's important to remember that you can't change anyone but yourself, though that may be enough. As you change, those around you must too as they seek to establish a new balance in your relationship. No, you can't predict or control how or what they will do, and that's the scary part, but they will change. They may quit or modify their drinking; or decide they prefer their bottle to you and leave; or transfer their obsession to "recovery," or vacillate for as long as you tolerate it. That decision may eventually be yours, but if you've been preparing yourself you will be able to make decent choices.

Yes, there are things you stop doing - mostly protecting the drunk from the logical consequences of their drinking. You don't post bail; visit them in jail; listen to intoxicated monologues; lie to their employers or families. On the active side, you do separate assets, accounts, and other financial matters as completely as possible. You find new activities to do with others and you do them regardless of complaints and manipulations. You look after your health. If you have children you look at ways to insure their safety and security.

The best part is that in taking care of yourself and improving your life you will feel much better about yourself and won't need a drunk to make you look good. You will look good and be good in your own right. That's a considerable achievement.

As women, you may tend to wait for someone else to take the lead, but if you won't stand up for ourselves, why would anyone else? So stand up, you'll be glad you did.
About the Author
Dr. Edward Wilson has been developing and providing alternative alcohol counseling, including moderation, sincve 1990. He is the co-founder and Clinical Director of Your Empowering Solutions, Inc, located in S. California. http://www.non12step.com
Rating:
Please Rate:
(Average: Not rated)
Views: 149
Print Email Report Share
Article Categories
    • Artists
    • Gambling
    • Humanities
    • Humor
    • Movies
    • Music
    • Photography
    • Tattoos
    • Television
    • Classic Cars
    • Motorcycles
    • Recreational Vehicles
    • SUVs
    • Trucks
    • Vans
    • Branding
    • Business Opportunities
    • Careers and Jobs
    • Corporate
    • Customer Service
    • Direct Mail
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Ethics
    • Financing
    • Franchising
    • Home-Based Business
    • Human Resources
    • Import and Export
    • Leadership
    • Management
    • Market Research
    • Marketing and Advertising
    • Negotiation
    • Network Marketing
    • Networking
    • Organizational
    • Presentation
    • Project Management
    • Public Relations
    • Small Business
    • Strategic Planning
    • Team Building
    • Telemarketing
    • Training
    • Data Recovery
    • Databases
    • Games
    • Hardware
    • Networks
    • Operating Systems
    • Programming
    • Security
    • Software
    • Spyware and Viruses
    • Ask an Expert
    • College and University
    • Home Schooling
    • K-12
    • Languages
    • Online Education
    • Psychology
    • Accounting
    • Credit
    • Currency Trading
    • Debt Consolidation
    • Insurance
    • Investing
    • Leasing
    • Loans
    • Mortgage
    • Mutual Funds
    • Personal Finance
    • Stock Market
    • Structured Settlements
    • Taxes
    • Wealth Building
    • Coffee
    • Cooking
    • Gourmet
    • Recipes
    • Wine and Spirits
    • Acne
    • Aerobics
    • Alternative Medicine
    • Beauty
    • Cancer
    • Cosmetics
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Diseases and Conditions
    • Fitness Equipment
    • Fitness
    • Hair Loss
    • Heart Disease
    • Medicine
    • Men's Health
    • Muscle Building
    • Nutrition
    • Skin Care
    • Supplements and Vitamins
    • Weight Loss
    • Women's Health
    • Yoga
    • Arts and Crafts
    • Babies
    • Collecting
    • Elderly Care
    • Genealogy
    • Hobbies
    • Parenting
    • Pets
    • Pregnancy
    • Woodworking
    • Feng Shui
    • Gardening
    • Home Appliances
    • Home Security
    • Interior Design
    • Landscaping
    • Affiliate Programs
    • Article Marketing
    • Auctions
    • Audio
    • Banner Advertising
    • Blogging
    • Broadband
    • Domain Names
    • E-Books
    • E-Commerce
    • Email Marketing
    • Ezines and Newsletters
    • Forums
    • Internet Marketing
    • Link Popularity
    • Pay-Per-Click
    • Podcasting
    • RSS
    • Search Engine Marketing
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Security
    • Social Media
    • Spam
    • Video
    • Viral Marketing
    • Web Design
    • Web Development
    • Web Hosting
    • Copyright
    • Cyber Law
    • Intellectual Property
    • National, State, Local
    • Patents
    • Regulatory Compliance
    • Trademarks
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Baseball
    • Basketball
    • Boating
    • Cycling
    • Extreme Sports
    • Fishing
    • Football
    • Golf
    • Hockey
    • Hunting
    • Martial Arts
    • Running
    • Scuba Diving
    • Soccer
    • Swimming
    • Tennis
    • Dating
    • Divorce
    • Marriage
    • Weddings
    • Astrology
    • Buddhism
    • Christianity
    • Faith
    • Hinduism
    • Islam
    • Judaism
    • Meditation
    • Metaphysical
    • New Age
    • Cable and Satellite TV
    • Cell Phones
    • Communication
    • Gadgets and Gizmos
    • GPS
    • Satellite Radio
    • Video Conferencing
    • VoIP
    • Addictions
    • Coaching
    • Goal Setting
    • Motivational
    • Stress Management
    • Time Management
    • Clothing
    • Electronics
    • Fashion
    • Gifts
    • Jewelry
    • Air Travel
    • Camping
    • Cruises
    • Destinations
    • Outdoors
    • Article Writing
    • Book Reviews
    • Copywriting
    • Fiction
    • Non-Fiction
    • Poetry
    • Quotes
    • Screenplay
    • Tools and Resources