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Life Got Your Marriage in a Rut? Read This...

Aug 18, 2007
Are you trying to have a cookie-cutter marriage? You know what I mean -- a marriage that fits all the Christian paradigms you read in magazines, books, and even this newsletter? If you are, then it's time to break out and make your own pattern.

No, I'm not giving you the freedom to disobey Scripture. There are some things that are absolute "musts." Failure to do them is a recipe for disaster. But there are too many times where we let our marriages fall into a rut. We do the same thing every day and we lose all the excitement we had for our spouse years ago.

In the book "Devotions for a Sacred Marriage," Gary Thomas offers some words of wisdom. One devotional, called, "Marital Ruts," could help your marriage:

"Maybe your rut is more behavioral -- you've learned to tune out your spouse's voice, or you always make love in the same, predictable way or on the same, predictable night. Maybe you've completely stopped trying to find creative ways to demonstrate your affection and care. Perhaps you've become so ensconced in the workweek routine -- the early-morning departure, the commute, the time away from home, coming back in the evening tired and grouchy -- that you're completely missing opportunities to affirm and reconnect with each other.

"Never underestimate the element of occasional surprise in the delighting of your spouse and building up your marriage. It can be so simple -- a wife going to the trouble of picking out a book on tape that her husband can listen to on his morning commute; a husband buying his wife a completely unexpected gift, unconnected to any holiday or anniversary, for no other reason than to tell her he loves her.

"What would it mean to your spouse if you took an afternoon off -- from work or watching the kids -- to go to a matinee, take a walk around the lake, or go on a picnic? Sometimes all it takes is something out of the ordinary, something that says, "I don't take you -- or us -- for granted. I've put some special thought into this. I want to fight the 'murderous repetitions' and 'infernal element of boredom.'"

"Through Ezekiel, God promised Israel, 'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh' (Ezekiel 36:26). In the same way we can become calloused toward God, so we can become calloused toward each other. Pray for a new spirit and attitude toward your spouse, that your 'heart of stone' will become a 'heart of flesh.'

"Occasional ruts are inevitable in any long-term relationship, but they're never insurmountable. We can break out of them if we really want to."

Whether you want to or not, take some time to break out of your rut. The joy it will bring could save your marriage. And it will give you the desire to stay out of (or break out of) future ruts.
About the Author
Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom's Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit http://www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.
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