Home » Arts and Entertainment » Humor

When Is A Makeover Over?

Aug 18, 2007
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" When my mirror giggled, I made an appointment for a makeover at the "New You", a very chic beauty salon.

Did I want a manicure or a massage? How about a new hair style? I wanted the works. In by nine, out by five - just like my dry cleaning.

As soon as I walked through the salon's gold door, I was greeted by a Miss-Universe-type, who handed me a shapeless, chartreuse smock and paper slippers. Neither contributed to the new me I'd envisioned. If my mirror had seen me, it wouldn't have giggled. It would have cracked up.

Hoping a manicure and pedicure would help, I shuffled off to the first makeover maven, Miss Marie. The only words Miss Marie could say in English were tut, tut, tut; and the more she worked on my nails, the more she said them.

Next was Eve, a short, stocky masseuse, who had hands that should have been registered with the FBI. By the time she was through kneading my flesh, I thought I had terminal cellulite.

Then I dragged my bread-dough body to the facial room. Who knew the fixings for a facial were all in my frig? Who knew guacamole was a moisturizer?

Then came Miss Tina, the makeover, makeup artist, who had a radiantly natural look. If she could be half as good with my makeup as she was with hers, my mirror would have to admit I looked like a glass act. Unfortunately, Miss Tina's radiantly natural look was natural. Although a framed certificate on the wall said she was a licensed cosmetician, she wasn't a miracle worker. After thirty minutes my left jawbone might have resembled Catherine Zeta-Jones', but nothing else did.

Last, but not least, was a hairstyling by the New You Guru. Mr. Philippe's tattoos didn't bother me. Okay, the snake around his wrist was a little creepy. What did bother me were the pictures on the walls - women with multi-colored hair, women with spiked hair - women with hair cut in geometric patterns. When Mr. Philippe asked, "What are we doing today?" I nervously replied, "Cutting my hair long".

I didn't look much different after my New You makeover, but I felt different. I felt two hundred thirty dollars poorer. The next time my mirror giggles, I might risk having seven years of bad luck.
About the Author
KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life.
Take a minute to make yourself smile at
http://knightwatch.typepad.com
Rating:
Please Rate:
(Average: Not rated)
Views: 149
Print Email Report Share
Article Categories
    • Classic Cars
    • Motorcycles
    • Recreational Vehicles
    • SUVs
    • Trucks
    • Vans
    • Branding
    • Business Opportunities
    • Careers and Jobs
    • Corporate
    • Customer Service
    • Direct Mail
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Ethics
    • Financing
    • Franchising
    • Home-Based Business
    • Human Resources
    • Import and Export
    • Leadership
    • Management
    • Market Research
    • Marketing and Advertising
    • Negotiation
    • Network Marketing
    • Networking
    • Organizational
    • Presentation
    • Project Management
    • Public Relations
    • Small Business
    • Strategic Planning
    • Team Building
    • Telemarketing
    • Training
    • Data Recovery
    • Databases
    • Games
    • Hardware
    • Networks
    • Operating Systems
    • Programming
    • Security
    • Software
    • Spyware and Viruses
    • Ask an Expert
    • College and University
    • Home Schooling
    • K-12
    • Languages
    • Online Education
    • Psychology
    • Accounting
    • Credit
    • Currency Trading
    • Debt Consolidation
    • Insurance
    • Investing
    • Leasing
    • Loans
    • Mortgage
    • Mutual Funds
    • Personal Finance
    • Stock Market
    • Structured Settlements
    • Taxes
    • Wealth Building
    • Coffee
    • Cooking
    • Gourmet
    • Recipes
    • Wine and Spirits
    • Acne
    • Aerobics
    • Alternative Medicine
    • Beauty
    • Cancer
    • Cosmetics
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Diseases and Conditions
    • Fitness Equipment
    • Fitness
    • Hair Loss
    • Heart Disease
    • Medicine
    • Men's Health
    • Muscle Building
    • Nutrition
    • Skin Care
    • Supplements and Vitamins
    • Weight Loss
    • Women's Health
    • Yoga
    • Arts and Crafts
    • Babies
    • Collecting
    • Elderly Care
    • Genealogy
    • Hobbies
    • Parenting
    • Pets
    • Pregnancy
    • Woodworking
    • Feng Shui
    • Gardening
    • Home Appliances
    • Home Security
    • Interior Design
    • Landscaping
    • Affiliate Programs
    • Article Marketing
    • Auctions
    • Audio
    • Banner Advertising
    • Blogging
    • Broadband
    • Domain Names
    • E-Books
    • E-Commerce
    • Email Marketing
    • Ezines and Newsletters
    • Forums
    • Internet Marketing
    • Link Popularity
    • Pay-Per-Click
    • Podcasting
    • RSS
    • Search Engine Marketing
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Security
    • Social Media
    • Spam
    • Video
    • Viral Marketing
    • Web Design
    • Web Development
    • Web Hosting
    • Copyright
    • Cyber Law
    • Intellectual Property
    • National, State, Local
    • Patents
    • Regulatory Compliance
    • Trademarks
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Baseball
    • Basketball
    • Boating
    • Cycling
    • Extreme Sports
    • Fishing
    • Football
    • Golf
    • Hockey
    • Hunting
    • Martial Arts
    • Running
    • Scuba Diving
    • Soccer
    • Swimming
    • Tennis
    • Dating
    • Divorce
    • Marriage
    • Weddings
    • Astrology
    • Buddhism
    • Christianity
    • Faith
    • Hinduism
    • Islam
    • Judaism
    • Meditation
    • Metaphysical
    • New Age
    • Cable and Satellite TV
    • Cell Phones
    • Communication
    • Gadgets and Gizmos
    • GPS
    • Satellite Radio
    • Video Conferencing
    • VoIP
    • Addictions
    • Coaching
    • Goal Setting
    • Motivational
    • Stress Management
    • Time Management
    • Clothing
    • Electronics
    • Fashion
    • Gifts
    • Jewelry
    • Causes and Organizations
    • Environment
    • History
    • Holidays
    • Men's Issues
    • Nature
    • Philosophy
    • Politics
    • Women's Issues
    • World Affairs
    • Air Travel
    • Camping
    • Cruises
    • Destinations
    • Outdoors
    • Article Writing
    • Book Reviews
    • Copywriting
    • Fiction
    • Non-Fiction
    • Poetry
    • Quotes
    • Screenplay
    • Tools and Resources