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Break the Cycle of Divorce

Aug 18, 2007
If you grew up in a broken home, you've probably heard that your marriage is far more likely to end in divorce. Well, that doesn't have to be the case. Christ came as a restorer, not a destroyer. So in Christ you can restore many of those things that were lost in the broken home you grew up in. And you can have a very successful marriage.

In the book, Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: How Your Marriage Can Succeed Even if Your Parents' Didn't, John Trent shares several ways to overcome the legacy of divorce. Here are a few of them:

(1) "Embrace the love that will never abandon you. Understand that, while people might let you down, God will always come through for you. Accept the love that He offers you -- unconditional love that you can count on, no matter what. If you haven't already, begin a relationship with God through Christ. Make it a top priority to build a closer relationship with God each day.

(2) "Know that you have a choice. Recognize that you aren't a powerless victim. Know that what happened to your parents doesn't have to happen to you, and that you aren't a slave to your past. Decide to choose to respond to your circumstances in ways that will lead to a positive future.

(3) "Face your fears. Take your fears out of the dark (lurking in your imagination) and bring them into the light by talking about them openly with your spouse. Pray about them specifically rather than just worrying about them. Seek and accept help from a close friend or a professional counselor to confront stubborn fears.

(4) "Focus on positives instead of negatives. Ask God to renew your mind and help you reprogram your thinking about your marriage and life in general so you're more positive than negative. Write several lists: one that lists ways you and your spouse are not like your parents, one that lists ways your marriage is not like your parents' marriage, and one that lists your spouse's strengths and positive attributes. Then post your lists in prominent places in your home or car where you can see them every day to remind you.

(5) "Rely on God's power rather than your own. Don't try to wrestle with your struggles on your own. Instead, invite God to work in and through you, empowering you to handle everything that comes your way. Trust that whenever you ask for His help, He will respond -- day by day, and moment-by-moment."

I would add one item to this list: learn to solve problems biblically. This is the primary reason Christian marriages fail. When you try to solve problems according to your opinion or emotion or those of your spouse, there's no standard to determine who is right or wrong. Both of you should learn to submit to God's Word and follow it in problem solving.

If you can't figure it out, then seek help from a biblical counselor. Trent says, "Schedule some strategic sessions so the counselor can coach you through the issues. Realize that just a few short meetings can benefit you."
About the Author
Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom's Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit http://www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.
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