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Can We Be Friends? Ask our Dating Coach!

Aug 18, 2007
Great question. Can you be friends? Well my gut reaction is to pass it right back at you -- can you be friends? My instinct is telling me that if you have to ask, then it's not going to be something that-s going to come naturally to both of you. Perhaps one of you wants to remain friends while the other isn't so sure!

Despite what many people think, yes ex-lovers can remain friends. But there's a proviso on that. Both parties must be comfortable with the situation. This means that the relationship must end on an amicable note with both parties accepting that the romance is gone and the best thing to do with their lives is to go their separate ways.

This being the case, then there's absolutely no reason at all why they can't be friends because neither of them is interested in resurrecting the relationship on a romantic level.

If there are children involved from the partnership then it's in the best interests of everyone concerned for you to remain friends. That way your children will know that you both respect each other, even if you no longer feel you can be together. This is a much healthier environment than one which sees one partner constantly trying to put down the other. So if you can remain friends then any children will benefit from this -- but this shouldn't be the only reason that you want to maintain a more platonic relationship because you need to be sincere about what you want if it's to work.

Of course, even when children are involved, this desire to remain friends can fall apart when one or both of the people become involved with other partners -- but not because of their feelings. New partners of people who are still friends with ex-lovers are suspicious of the old relationship. This comes from insecurity of their own place in their new partner's life, a mistrust of their partner's ex-lover's motives (even if the ex-lover is in a happy new relationship of their own), and also a resentment of the memories that their partner has with this other person that they are not part of.

None of this has anything to do with either of you as you stand now, this is about your future partners and how they will perceive the relationship. How will you deal with that? Do you intend to remain friends regardless of how a partner will feel?

My simple answer to your question is therefore, yes you can remain friends. But then you need to consider how you will react to an adverse reaction to the friendship by a new partner either or both of you have in the future.
About the Author
Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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