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Dealing with Confusion, Indecision, and Frustration when Trying to Meet Your Match

Sep 6, 2007
The divorce rate is rising not only in the US and Canada, but in the UK and Australia, as well. Many couples are unaware of the necessary relationship skills and strategies needed to make good partner choices, and build lasting, loving relationships.

Dr. Jackie Black, a doctor of psychology and relationship coach says, "We create our life and our love life through our beliefs, intensions, and the actions we take in the world. The more we know about ourselves, what we need and want, the more we know about what we need and want in our partner, the more successful we will be creating a lasting relationship with our ideal match."

Dr. Black experienced an extraordinarily difficult and agonizing time when she lost her husband, her true life partner and soul mate. Her wonderful relationship with her husband made her want to get the word out to others that they too can experience this type of rewarding, passionate relationship.

She developed powerful strategies and tips to help people get started on meeting their match, cracking the code to successful relationships.

Understanding the dating process is an important step in beginning a relationship. The dating process has three parts:

-Beginning: Seeing someone across the room, and you are instantly attracted to him or her.
-Middle: Begin dating and observe, listen, and experience. Begin to notice if you want to see more of the other person or not.
-End: This is one of two things, you either stop seeing the person because you are not a good match, or you begin seeing each other exclusively.

Building a relationship starts with us. Understand the four cornerstones of your life:

-Values: The more compatible your values are in a relationship, the stronger and deeper your relationship bonds will grow.
-Vision: Have an idea of where you want your relationship to go, and how you are going to get there.
- Life Purpose: A relationship will be successful only if you know yourself and what you are looking for.
-Mission: You are in control of your own life. Make it your mission to become actively involved in the events and passions of your life. Your ideal partner will see the real you, value you, and cherish you.

Realize that not everyone you date will be a perfect match. Some relationships just do not work out. Tell the other person the truth, and go your separate ways. Know yourself, and you will know if the other person is a match. Always assess, evaluate, listen, and observe.

Once you discover your match, set boundaries; know what you need, what you want, what you like, and your preferences. This gives your partner an idea of how to treat you, and who you are. It reveals how much you have to give. Setting boundaries, honoring commitments, and making agreements are very important pieces of a loving, lasting relationship.

When you and your partner agree to join your lives together, you create a relationship. You are both responsible to guard, protect, and nurture that bond. The way to do that is by making commitments and agreements. Talk to each other about meeting expectations. Begin this by making an Elegant Agreement.

An Elegant Agreement is something you both agree to. It is a win-win situation for both parties. You both know what you are agreeing to, and there is an escape clause. The escape clause is made in case one of you is having trouble keeping the agreement. This gives you the opportunity to renegotiate the agreement and see what works.

The escape clause is not an opting out. Leaving is not an option. It is used to come back into communication and figure out where to go next with the agreement, committing to each other, the relationship, and yourselves. Find the courage to articulate to the other person what you value and believe.

There should be no assumptions and no hidden agenda. All issues should be brought out in the open. Revealing yourself can be a scary process, but the more emotional availability there is in a relationship, the better and stronger it will become.

One simple tactic for communication is the three minute conversation. Get yourself a three minute egg timer and use it to have a conversation with your partner. Every conversation should be able to be completed in three minutes.

This strategy develops listening skills. It feels wonderful to have your partner actually listening to you; it solves problems and gives information. Relationships are mutual. Both partners must look within themselves, and keep communication open.

Following these proactive tips will help you identify your ideal partner, creating a love life that is rich and deeply meaningful. Know yourself. Know who you are. Know who you are not.
About the Author
Dr. Proactive, Randy Gilbert enjoys producing the "Inside Romance Success" show hosted by Kevin Decker, Relationship Coach, who presents his insightful interview with Dr. Jackie Black (DrJackieBlack.com) based upon the techniques from her book. You can hear the entire inspirational interview for free by going to: http://www.insidesuccessradio.com/Guests/DrJackie-Black
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