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Commitment; Footpath to Lasting Romance

Sep 13, 2007
"I don't understand your hesitation. You say that you love me but you don't want to go a step further in our relationship. What's wrong? If you really loved me, you would climb that step."

Popular culture makes us believe that Love conquers all. We have all been exposed, as children, to a story or two, where there is a Princess and her Prince Charming who are confident that with only the strength of their love they will live happily ever after.

That belief takes roots in our heads and develops undesirable weeds. Naively, it's tinting our decisions when choosing a partner.

I then came to consider that Love is just not enough.

Passion is fickle. And desire needs to be nourished.

For lasting romance, it takes Commitment; with a Big C.

Does that statement trigger an anxiety attack? All the Commitment Phobics, who are reading this, must be pale as a ghost now, maybe even have a shortness of breath.

According to the book "He's scared, She's scared" from Carter & Sokol, there are 5 components of commitment:

Good Intentions: It is an ongoing willingness to make the relationship work by putting the necessary effort and energy. There is no abuse or imbalance to be felt by either partner.

Monogamous: Being dedicated to one partner helps keep the attraction alive instead of contaminating it with anger, resentment or humiliation. Your relationship stands on a durable ground to flourish emotional satisfaction. You obtain easily forgiveness and support from your partner when you will need it.

According to John Gray (Mars & Venus), sexual energy is a sacred one. An observation has shown that there might be a correlation between monogamy and prosperity; in the 1950's the CEO of the 500 Fortune companies were all in a monogamous relationship.

Being monogamous is similar to putting money at the bank for tough times.

Open Ended: It's to have the sound confidence that you will make it work indefinitely. It's all about feeling secure in the prospective of future then a feeling of horror.

Responsible: It means many things.

Not promising more then what you can deliver, like promising that you will live together or have children one day and never come to apply it.

Also, it is not holding back emotions that you can give like being generous and caring.

It is also remaining sensitive to your partner's needs and feelings. Not to run like a bat out of hell just because you're scared.

Realistic: See and accept your partner weaknesses and imperfections. Your partner has fault as you do. You have the opportunity to appreciate the qualities that offsets that. Don't be blind as a bat. One partner cannot fulfill all of your needs.  

Commitment Phobics can go on with you by getting married, have kids and still not be committed; when the anxiety occurs it is taking over reason. Your partners withdraws, becomes silent, passive, mysterious, hides, or even worse, is unfaithful.

Committed relationships don't build on a click of the fingers. It's not simple to ultimately find one and it's difficult to keep one. You need to have personal abilities (acquired or not) for commitment. It necessitates a good level of self-esteem.

Those commitment qualities have to be present in both parties to lead to emotional fulfillment and satisfaction, and to remain Happy as a King. Wishing you great luck.
About the Author
Who is Caroline? She is a growing expert on love, relationship, romance because she is reading a lot on the subject. She is gladly sharing her knowledge and experience. Receiving tips, you can subscribe free to her newsletter at http://www.everydaybetterliving.com
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