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Dating: Why Neediness Turns Women Off

Oct 9, 2007
When it comes to dating women, being needy is the surest way to ensure you always struggle.

Being needy also negatively affects you in other ways. For example: Unless you are interacting with someone who wants to manipulate you, being needy:

- Makes it very hard for people to want to be around you.
- Will seriously hinder your success with women, especially attractive women who get attention from men all the time.
- Means that people have to either accept the burden of supporting and taking care of you, or have to ignore you.
- Pushes people away from you.

Let me tell you a story about my friend Samantha. Samantha once told me about a particular guy who ended up making her feel nauseous with his neediness...

Samantha is hot. She has appeared in a number of magazines as a bikini model, is often being invited to cool parties and is always being 'hit on' by guys. She is a cool chick and loves the party and social scene.

One night she met a guy at a local bar in town. The guy was funny and held up a great conversation with her and her friends. After about 20 minutes, he and Samantha went to sit alone on a couch in the club.

They kissed, talked some more and exchanged numbers. Samantha then said goodbye and left the club with her friends. He called her the next day (which was fine, but still not recommended) and asked (not fine) if she would meet up with him midweek.

Samantha told him that she was busy, but she could probably get back to him the next day and let him know. At around 7pm the next night, he called her and said, "Hey, I thought I'd give you a call...because you didn't get back to me today about meeting up."

Not good. He then asked for another date and Samantha said that she couldn't make it, because she'd made other plans. He quickly replied with something like, "That's okay, I'm free this entire week so call me anytime and let me know what you want to do."

This may seem fine to some of you, but to an attractive woman it is a typical series of events that offers her no challenge. Samantha said she ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt and thought, "Well, maybe he's just having a quiet week or something."

He called her on Thursday and again asked if she would come over on Friday night and watch a movie at his place. Friday night?

Mate, she's a party girl who hits the clubs every weekend. What were you trying to do? Domesticate her on your first date?

But he was persistent and in the words of Samantha "...because he'd been a great kisser, I agreed to meet up with him for dinner a couple of weeks later...which turned out to be a huge mistake on my part!"

He told Samantha how he'd a great time the night they'd met (this is okay) and how he'd kind of missed her since that night (this is not okay).

She felt nauseous. Why? Because she hadn't even earned that sort of attention from him and he was already prepared to fall head over heels in love with her after one date! He had completely killed the sexual tension.

Samantha went on to say: "The way he acted throughout the night was draining...almost like he was my little boy child, who needed me to love him.

I mean, we had a great time at the club the first night and yes, we kissed...but he was just way too full on. I sensed that he'd be the type of guy who'd want to hide me away from the world, by keeping me at home with him on the couch.

I mean, I can be faithful to a guy, don't get me wrong...it's just that I'd rather be faithful to someone who also has a life."

She stopped answering his calls. Now, you're probably wondering, "What should he have done then?" Easy.

Not Have Been Such a Push-Over: He fell 'head over heals' for her and immediately telegraphed full interest.

Doing so meant that she had nothing to aim for and left her with no need to impress him by wearing nice clothes, cooking meals for him, being warm and lovable, etc. There was no magnetism, because he'd already 'latched on.'

Not Have 'Asked': You don't ask a woman to go on a date with you. Communicate masculinity by telling her to come with you, or suggesting that you two should meet.

Be Focused on His Life As Well: If he had no plans for the week at all, then he should have thought of something to do (e.g. take up a yoga class, start going to the gym, go see an old friend, repair his car, do some research on some interesting topic, etc).

Ultimately, his lifestyle wasn't compatible with hers. Why? She had a life and was doing things and he wanted to follow her around like a lost puppy.
About the Author
Dan Bacon is the CEO of TheModernMan.com who provide dating advice for men. Need some dating techniques?

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