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How to Get a Girlfriend: An Eye-Opening Story

Oct 9, 2007
Understanding how to get a girlfriend is a simple, yet sometimes complex thing. A lot of guys simply go about getting a girlfriend in all the wrong ways.

To explain what I mean, I'll tell you a story. Imagine this...

A girl named Sally has just broken up with her possessive boyfriend after 5 years. Sally just wants to go out and have some fun, without getting into anything serious.

Her best memories are of when she was 18-years-old dancing in bars and clubs and getting heaps of attention from guys. Only two of Sally's close friends know her 'little secret.'

That is, she loves having one-night stands with guys who are confident and playful, because it usually means the guy will be good in bed. To the everyday observer Sally appears to be a really nice, innocent sort of girl.

The truth is that she loves being promiscuous and is very naughty behind closed doors. Sally's girlfriends are really excited that she's single again and organize a big Friday night out.

They head to a trendy nightclub in town and plan to flirt like crazy. Meanwhile, Jack and his wingman Tran are heading to very same club on the very same night.

Tran has been reading up on how to get a girlfriend by meeting women in bars and clubs and wants to use the knowledge he has acquired to meet a long-term relationship partner ASAP.

Inside the club, Tran notices Sally and her friends and approaches them. He begins an interaction and they quickly warm to his playful and relaxed attitude.

Jack is great at socializing and soon has the attention of the group fixed on him and what he is saying. He's playing hard to get with the girls, so they respond to the challenge. Sensing the shift, Tran zones his attention in on Sally.

Despite Tran's effective calibration in sensing the shift, his approach is flawed as it's completely geared toward fulfilling his need of finding a girl to get into a long-term relationship with.

Sally is excited by Tran's confidence and humor and signals her interest by leaving her friends to sit alone with him. But Tran isn't experienced enough, nor is he actively looking to recognize the subtle 'one-night-stand' signals that she is offering.

He continues to gear the interaction toward getting to know her on a deeper level and tries to slow her pace down from a 'fun, high-energy' mood to 'let's get to know each other really, really well.'

Sally realizes what is going on and turns to her friends and says, "Let's go dance." It's 'game over' for Tran, because he represents too much trouble for Sally.

She senses that he will slow her night down and take the sex too seriously, so she gets up and leaves. "Nice to meet you, bye!"

An hour later, Sally runs into Antonio. Antonio is calibrated to the energy of Sally and her group. He gets along with Sally's friends and within minutes of meeting her he just grabs her and starts kissing her.

Sally's friends cheer and giggle. Sally and Antonio end up leaving together that night. The irony for Tran is this: Sally and the Antonio actually end up seeing each other once or twice a week to have sex, hang out, eat out at restaurants, go to movies, etc.

After 3 months, they break up by way of not calling each other anymore. Two months later, she calls Antonio to say "Hi" because she misses him.

They get married two years later. The point of the story is this: If you want to get a girlfriend, then don't be so eager to get to the relationship stage asap.

Sometimes, you should just be satisfied with a one-night stand. You'll be surprised how often it will turn into a relationship.

Here are some more examples of not properly approaching the subject of how to get a girlfriend:

- Being overly cocky to a woman who has low self-esteem, or to a group of girls who don't need that much cocky in order to feel comfortable that you're not a scared, little girly-man.

- Going for the first kiss in an awkward moment (e.g. in front of a woman's friends in a quiet environment, or when she clearly isn't comfortable).

- Not going for the first kiss when the time was right (e.g. you sit alone with a woman on a couch. She sits close and gives you flirty looks to signal interest.

Instead of kissing her, you start talking. Five minutes later you're still talking. Ten minutes later you're still talking.

Then she just gets up and says something like "Um, I've got to go find my friends...nice meeting you - Bye!"
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