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Dating: The First Phone Call

Oct 9, 2007
One of the most common dating questions that men have is, "When should I first call her?"

The simple answer is: Anytime you like. However, beware - if you're dealing with a really attractive woman, you can bet she has given her phone number out plenty of times.

You can also bet that every guy will call her and do what on the first phone call? He'll try to set up a date. Why? Because he wants to get the relationship moving forward ASAP before she meets another guy!! Quick, quick!

If you can tell that a woman is keen to go on a date with you, then go ahead and organize one. However, if you sense that she probably has a number of guys interesting in dating her, let some anticipation build by not setting up a date straight away.

Trust me, she will be thankful that a guy finally had the balls to do it. How do you do it? Just call her up, re-spark the attraction, chat, have a laugh together and then end the phone call when you feel the time is right.

"Ok cool, good chatting with you again. I have to go to [somewhere] right now. But hey, we'll talk another time." She will be intrigued. Anticipation will build.

Set up a meet on the next phone call. When should I make the next phone call? Whenever you like.

Setting Up a Date: Everything can be going perfectly right up to this point and then be completely ruined if you don't behave in a natural, confident way.

To help you ensure that you're prepared for the first phone call, here are some helpful hints: Ask yourself, "Where am I planning to take her?"

Have some ideas of where you want to go with her before you call up. For example: Cafe, comedy show, beach, a new bar that has just opened, a drive to somewhere cool/relaxing/fun, a lounge bar that you know has a great atmosphere, etc.

When it comes to dating, women prefer men who lead. So never say, "Umm...I don't know, what do you want to do?" She will feel safer with you if you can be a man and lead the way.

Don't be afraid to bust on her in a playful way when setting up the meet. It will show that you aren't taking it all too seriously. If you're going to a cafe:

"I tell you what, let's meet for a cup of coffee at [some] cafe for half an hour... that way, if you're really freaky, I can escape with minimal time wasted. I can tell you that I have to go wash my car or something."

Call While You're Doing Something Else: A great way for you to demonstrate that 'the call' isn't the biggest thing on your calendar for the week is to call while you're doing something else.

Example: Call while cooking dinner. Make use of the opportunity to talk about foods and get the woman salivating at the mouth:

"Mmmm...this smells good. Hey, I'll describe what I'm cooking and you can try to imagine it...okay, so I've steamed some fresh broccoli and it's looking really green...I've also steamed some squash and Asian greens.

The [meat/tofu] has been marinated in a chilli-garlic sauce overnight, and the satay sauce was made at a local deli with cashews instead of peanuts. I've also diced four tomatoes and sliced up some mushrooms...it's all sizzling...yum...so, hey - are you a good cook?"

Vibing and Chit-Chat: Don't be afraid to engage in chit-chat. Be normal. Be playful. Be expressive. Talk about anything.

Lead the Way, Don't Ask: Never say, "So, can I take you out sometime?" Such a statement can be interpreted as, "I am offering to buy you something in exchange for your time and attention.

I am interested in dating you and already have a romantic interest in you. I am totally available for you and I am looking. I really want a girlfriend."

Just suggest that she meets you. "Hey, I want to go to my favorite cafe (or restaurant, bar, etc) this week - you should come. I'm busy on Monday and Thursday, but have you got Tuesday or Wednesday night free..."

Don't Make it Too Serious: When it comes to dating women, too many guys behave in a way that basically says to a woman, "OK, now that we're on a date, I am expecting that you are thinking of getting into a relationship with me.

I've already considered having a long-term relationship with you...in fact, I want our baby's name to be Mary-Jane."
About the Author
Dan Bacon is the CEO of TheModernMan.com who provide dating advice for men.

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