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Overcoming Approach Anxiety

Oct 9, 2007
Most guys suffer from approach anxiety when it comes to approaching women. Additionally, when it comes to overcoming approach anxiety - most guys have no idea where to start. So, here are some tips.

I learnt a very valuable lesson about two years ago, which changed my life. That is: You can use your body to affect your mind.

What do I mean by that? Ok, here is an exercise:

1. Stand up.
2. Now, lift your chest up confidently and feel strong, powerful and happy! Continue holding your chest up and notice the shift in the way you are feeling.
3. Stare up at the ceiling and smile a BIG, happy smile!
4. Keep smiling a big, happy and confident smile and feel great about it.

Now, while you're doing all those things at once, I want you to also try to feel sad at the same time. It's difficult - if not impossible, right? Why?

Your body is sending happy, confident signals to your brain so feeling sad will be very hard to do. To feel sad you'd need to hunch your body, pout your mouth, look down, etc.

What's the lesson? Well, the very same principles apply to relaxing and getting rid of nervous tension when beginning new interactions with women.

For example: You walk into a social setting and see a beautiful girl that you want to start an interaction with.

You are keen to start an interaction, but your heart is pumping fast and you're thinking, "But what if she has a boyfriend? What if she rejects me in front of everyone?"

Here's something you can try if you find yourself being held back by approach anxiety:

1. Recognize that you are feeling approach anxiety and acknowledge it.
2. Recognize that the thoughts triggering your approach anxiety are silly and unfounded.
3. Change your thoughts more effective ones, "Approaching women is getting easier and easier. I know what to say to kick things off...from there I'll just vibe with her and see what happens."
4. Next: Slowwwwwww dowwwwwwwn.
5. Allow your thoughts to slow down.
6. Blink slower.
7. Turn your head slower.
8. Breath slower.
9. Smile slowly and confidently.
10. Casually walk over to the woman and start an interaction.

While we're on the subject of approaching women, let's look at some more helpful tips to ensure you get a good response from women when you do approach.

Project your voice: Women are attracted to deep, confident voices and not mousy, feminine ones. Let's practice.

Try saying, "I am a man...a strong, sexually aware man. Women want me," in four different ways:

1. Touch your nose and say it until you can feel the vibrations of your voice coming through your nose.
2. Touch the larynx on your throat with your fingers and say it.
3. Touch your chest with the palm of your hand and say it.
4. Touch your diaphragm (just under your rib cage) with one hand and place the other flat on your upper chest. Now say it and feel your deeper voice resonating.

Got it? Now, do number 4 again and project your voice as powerfully as you can. Practice this once a week and you will eventually learn how to project your voice in loud environments, which will ensure better responses from women.

Here's another pointer: In loud environments like bars, clubs and noisy restaurants, you should aim to speak one person past the person you're speaking to.

A person standing immediately behind the waiter should be able to hear you. Let's pretend you're in a noisy restaurant on a date. Project your voice using this example:

Waiter: Sir, would you like to order?
You: Yes, thank you. I'll have the chicken satay with vegetables...and I'd love a glass of wine to go with that. Have you got a cabernet-sauvignon blend?

Apologetic Body Language & Voice Tones: When I see a guy start an interaction with a woman, I can usually tell within seconds if he knows what he is doing.

If you use apologetic body language or voice tones, it can communicate that you are scared of the woman, nervous about interacting with her, fearful of rejection, fearful of any sort of confrontation, willing to be her little puppy dog if she will only take pity and select you.

Although women won't tell you outright, they find that sort of behavior repulsive in a man. If you want to spark attraction, you must convey high-status behaviors from the outset.

Knowing these 'approaching secrets' should also help you with overcoming your approach anxiety. After all, one of the main reasons men suffer from approach anxiety is that they aren't confident in their ability to approach, start a conversation and move things forward.
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