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Essential Questions to Ask Before You Marry

Oct 9, 2007
Before you marry, you will face some of the most interesting questions of your lifetime. They are not all new to you. Ever since you were very young you have dreamed about the person you would marry. Perhaps you have experienced some unfortunate affairs in your dealings with the other sex that make you just a little anxious now that you are considering marriage. That is usual.

All of us make mistakes. No one has a perfect score in love affairs or in anything else. The important thing is to recover from your past hurts and get things right before the really big test comes along.

It is important even at this early stage to discover how strong your interests are in common. What sports and amusements do you enjoy together? We start with this, not because fun is too important, but because it is what so often first brings the young couple together. A boy and a girl find that they like to swim, play tennis, and go to shows together.

This is a fine start, and some of these activities can be enjoyed together for many years. But physical activities can do no more than to give the initial push. As people grow older their physical energies diminish. They become interested in other things. And in any case, marriages are not mainly recreation. Therefore it is essential that the couple consider other interests which will hold up better under the long pull.

What intellectual or cultural interests do you have, such as music, drama, literature, painting, or history? Other people have less pretentious hobbies, such as woodworking, dog breeding or clay modeling. Every family should have at least one amateur photographer.

It is not necessary that both husband and wife have the same interests. In some ways, their relationships will be more fruitful if one specializes in one thing and the other in another. Then by sharing, they can both have a broader development. It is important that they do have interests. The person who has interests is more interesting as a person. The wife, who spends considerable time in her garden and really tries to do a good job, may prove far more attractive to her husband than if she spent the time in a beauty parlor.

A couple needs only interests to share and interest enough in what the other is doing to make possible the sharing. A young couple will rarely know in advance just what and how their interests may later develop. They should be able to tell, however, the extent to which either or both is alive to any part of life which is beyond themselves.

If you want your marriage to be a rich companionship, real interests are essential.

Marry a person without hair, teeth, fingernails, or a nose, but not one without interests. And be assured on this point before you become engaged. Since the strongest and most enduring interest is a common purpose, consider this question carefully.
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